Does your husband hurt your feelings, and it feels like he doesn’t even care?
I believe every wife goes through seasons where she seriously wonders if her husband even cares.
I have struggled with feeling hurt about things my husband said or did A LOT in our first ten years of marriage.
Sure, my husband was not perfect, but with time I realized I had a problem bigger than I thought.
I was getting my feelings
offended all the time.
Was my husband that uncaring?
With time I started to see the picture through a bit of a broader lens. Sure, my husband spoke harsher than I was accustomed to. In the home where he had been brought up, there was no beating around the bush. You spoke it like it was.
Have you ever hurt someone without meaning to?
Sometimes we speak words that weren’t meant to offend the other. I know I have done it, and my husband has done it.
Careless words are just that; uncaring. But knowing the intent behind the words can help keep us from feeling hurt.
You might even have wondered why they were so easily offended.
Here we’ll dive into what we can do about not getting as easily hurt by our husband’s words and actions.
Does your husband regularly say things that hurt your feelings, which can turn a great day into a terrible one?
Me too. At the beginning of our marriage I really thought I had married a very unkind man, who didn’t have feelings whatsoever. He sure didn’t seem to care about mine!
But, I’ve learned, that my husband has a heart of gold, it just comes out a little rough at times.
I’ve also learned that I get offended and hurt really easily and that the choice to be hurt is actually mine.
Being easily offended is actually a form of pride, as difficult as that is to admit.
Realizing that I was partially to blame was a big eye-opener for me and I’ve learned there are several things that we as Christian women can do to let the careless words run off our back, forgive, and move on.
Disclaimer: This is not a post about being hurt by an abusive husband. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get help.
Don’t wait. This is for women that are offended by the things your husband says, especially when he did not intend to hurt you with his words or deeds.
7 Ways To React When Your Husband Hurts Your Feelings (and doesn’t seem to care).
1. Get in God’s Word
Read, pray, and study. The more we will love the Law of God, and spend time with Him, the less easily we will get offended.
The less we will get all these hurt feelings.
Daryl Blair wrote, “Allow the Word to saturate our Being, Allow the Word to mellow our hearts, Allow the Word to give us perspective, Allow the Word to show us ourselves, Allow the Word to sweeten our views of other people.”
Key word being allow. We need to allow God to work his wondrous work in our lives.
Once we realize that we sin too, and often repeatedly, we are more willing to overlook the other person’s mistakes.
Pride is a big reason why we become offended.
That’s not something any woman wants to hear (How dare I even write that!).
A humble woman who knows her worth in Christ is much more willing to let criticism slide.
3. Look at it honestly.
Why does this offend me? What can I learn from this? If this isn’t true, why am I bothered by it?
4. Raise your Tolerance level.
I think I started our marriage with a tolerance level of zero.
Hurt feelings abounded! We can improve our tolerance level by focusing on God, praying, and meditating on his word.
If you turn your focus on God instead of on yourself, you will be able to tolerate more.
5. Don’t misread the insult.
Ask yourself, did he mean it the way I took it?
Give your husband the benefit of doubt, and try to look at it positively.
Ask him, “Are you saying I am….?” Often we misread what he meant to express.
6. Consider the circumstances.
Did your husband speak or act out of pain?
Was I being disrespectful? He has no excuse to insult or berate you, but you don’t have control over that part.
You do have control over your actions, and how respectful you were. With God’s help, we are able to change ourselves.
7. Learn from Jesus.
Forgive, and forgive again. Jesus lived in direct accusations, yet he forgave them.
He kept his focus on eternity, and not on earthly things.
We need to realize that our worth is in Jesus Christ, and not try to find our worth in our husband. I’ve been guilty of this.
In this world and age, there are hurting people everywhere. Hurting people hurt people.
When we have the power of our Lord Jesus Christ within us, we are able to grow and overcome being easily offended.
After (almost) eleven years of marriage, I’ve learned to be not (quite) as easily hurt and my husband has learned to speak in a kinder way.
Win-Win either way.
How do you react to hurtful words from your husband?