What to do When Your Husband Hurts Your Feelings (and Doesn’t Even Care)

Does your husband hurt your feelings, and it feels like he doesn’t even care?

I believe every wife goes through seasons where she seriously wonders if her husband even cares.

I have struggled with feeling hurt about things my husband said or did A LOT in our first ten years of marriage.

Sure, my husband was not perfect, but with time I realized I had a problem bigger than I thought.

I was getting my feelings offended all the time.

Was my husband that uncaring? Did he really not care if he hurt my feelings?

With time I started to see the picture through a bit of a broader lens. Sure, my husband spoke harsher than I was accustomed to.

In the home where he had been brought up, there was no beating around the bush. You spoke it like it was. I was certainly not used to bluntness on that level.

Have you ever hurt someone without meaning to?

Sometimes we speak words that weren’t meant to offend the other. I know I have done it, and my husband has done it.

Careless words are just that; uncaring. But knowing the intent behind the words can help keep us from feeling hurt.

You might even have wondered why they were so easily offended.

Here we’ll dive into what we can do about not getting as easily hurt by our husband’s words and actions.

Does your husband regularly say things that hurt your feelings, which can turn a great day into a terrible one?

Me too. At the beginning of our marriage I really thought I had married a very unkind man, who didn’t have feelings whatsoever. He sure didn’t seem to care about mine!

But, I’ve learned, that my husband has a heart of gold, it just comes out a little rough at times.

I’ve also learned that I get offended and hurt really easily and that the choice to be hurt is actually mine.

Being easily offended is actually a form of pride, as difficult as that is to admit.

Realizing that I was partially to blame was a big eye-opener for me and I’ve learned there are several things that we as Christian women can do to let the careless words run off our back, forgive, and move on.

Disclaimer: This is not a post about being hurt by an abusive husband. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get help.

Don’t wait. This is for women that are offended by the things your husband says, especially when he did not intend to hurt you with his words or deeds.

7 Ways To React When Your Husband Hurts Your Feelings (and doesn’t seem to care).

1. Get in God’s Word

Read, pray, and study. The more we will love the Law of God, and spend time with Him, the less easily we will get offended.

The less we will get all these hurt feelings.

Daryl Blair wrote, “Allow the Word to saturate our Being, Allow the Word to mellow our hearts, Allow the Word to give us perspective, Allow the Word to show us ourselves, Allow the Word to sweeten our views of other people.”

Keyword being allow. We need to allow God to work his wondrous work in our lives.

Do you need to become more intentional about praying and being in the Word of God?

Related: Christian Resources To Improve Your Marriage.

2. Humility.

Once we realize that we sin too, and often repeatedly, we are more willing to overlook the other person’s mistakes.

Pride is a big reason why we become offended.

That’s not something any woman wants to hear (How dare I even write that!).

A humble woman who knows her worth in Christ is much more willing to let criticism slide.

3. Look at it honestly.

Why does this offend me? What can I learn from this? If this isn’t true, why am I bothered by it?

4. Raise your Tolerance level.

I think I started our marriage with a tolerance level of zero.

Hurt feelings abounded! We can improve our tolerance level by focusing on God, praying, and meditating on his word.

If you turn your focus on God instead of on yourself, you will be able to tolerate more.

5. Don’t misread the insult.

Ask yourself, did he mean it the way I took it?

Give your husband the benefit of doubt, and try to look at it positively.

Ask him, “Are you saying I am….?” Often we misread what he meant to express.

6. Consider the circumstances.

Did your husband speak or act out of pain?

Was I being disrespectful? He has no excuse to insult or berate you, but you don’t have control over that part.

You do have control over your actions, and how respectful you were. With God’s help, we are able to change ourselves.

7. Learn from Jesus.

Forgive, and forgive again. Jesus lived in direct accusations, yet he forgave them.

He kept his focus on eternity, and not on earthly things.

We need to realize that our worth is in Jesus Christ, and not try to find our worth in our husband. I’ve been guilty of this.

In this world and age, there are hurting people everywhere. Hurting people hurt people.

When we have the power of our Lord Jesus Christ within us, we are able to grow and overcome being easily offended.

After (almost) eleven years of marriage, I’ve learned to be not (quite) as easily hurt and my husband has learned to speak in a kinder way.

Win-Win either way.

How do you react to hurtful words from your husband?

24 thoughts on “What to do When Your Husband Hurts Your Feelings (and Doesn’t Even Care)”

  1. Honestly, at some point we just have to come to terms with the fact that we married a terrible person. I did everything you listed here. I even tricked myself into believing he was a good husband who just didn’t know how to love in my love language, etc. Recently, I made peace with the fact that I was conned. I married a pastor believing that he would be a good husband. In reality he’s the worst man I’ve ever met……and I see murderers all the time. He was raised with no accountability, but all the pride in the world and he is convinced that he is the example of what men should be.
    Thankfully, God has answered my prayer and has completely dried up any love I had for him. I’ve never felt more free.

  2. Telling a woman who has been called a F……B….by her husband to show him respect is harmful. This is abuse, verbal abuse. It’s not being too sensitibe or easilly offended. How he treated her is offensive and should not be tolerated. Her situation will never change if she lets him think that everything’s okay. I hope the women on here will visit Sheila Gregoire’s site and read her extensive post about how marriage advice can be damaging. The advice you are giving is illustrated in her article perfectly. I think you should have a look, it might change your perspective.

    1. Exactly. Just bcuz a man hasn’t physically abused his wife doesn’t mean he’s not an abuser. This is why men continue to be disrespectful. They know someone will tell their wives not to hold them accountable.

  3. Hi my husband’s hardly communicates to me yet he the best guy best husband Nd father I love him alot but when his angry he says hurtful things I on the other hand also get angry Nd sad

  4. My husband has a porn addiction, he has cheated on me, he has verbally abused me, and distances himself from me and the kids on a regular basis. For the first 3 years of our marriage I prayed and prayed and prayed…and nothing ever stopped..I’ve turned away from from my faith…As much as I love him still, my marriage feels over…is there still room for forgiveness when I’ve lost hope..

  5. My husband and I have been distant for days now. When he tries to get intimate with me I feel angry, I just want to get away from him because of our problems. Today he tried again but I refused. Then he said that I had nothing to offer but sex to our marriage, than he left the room. Those were some hurtful words. ?

    1. Oh, that’s so hard! You need to talk! Hurtful words are usually spoken out of a hurting heart. Let go of your anger. It can be really hard, but in order for your marriage to survive and thrive, forgive him. Don’t give up until you have talked it through. Be ready to listen, and be willing to forgive.

  6. There’s a level of embarrassment when my husband isn’t nice to me, I feel like I failed in choosing a spouse. I feel like God gave him to me, but sometimes I think I was so ready to get married I completely ignored the red flags in my husband and we fight WAY to much. Like at least 10 days out of every month. It’s exhausting and I’m growing very tired and I want to be done most days. Words carry so much weight and I’m breaking.

    1. I can feel your desperation, but know that God has a plan for your marriage. Do your fighting not with words, but with prayer and fasting. Realize that you are not fighting against flesh but against powers and principalities, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12). Satan wants your marriage to fail. Grow your relationship with Christ, and your marriage will become better.

  7. I also get easily offended and my friends used to say I take things way too personal and it’s true. It has caused me great friendships and almost cost me my marriage because of past hurts. My eyes are now opened and I ask God for strength and wisdom to love and honour my husband inspite of because I am also a sinner. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I pray to God to restore my heart mind and soul and increase my love for others more than I used to when I was growing up

    1. You probably don’t Laynie. Go over to Love Honor and Vacuum and take a look at Sheila’s post on damaging marriage advice.

  8. My husband never hears me, when I talk he’s usually on his phone on Facebook, tic tok, watching fishing videos. Well today we got in a fuss and he called me a f-ing bi+@$. I was shocked, he’s never called me a name like that. Later on I texted him that he didn’t need to speak to me that way he said Ok. I asked him later in person if he felt like he should apologize and he said no. If he has ever been rude or mean with his words he never apologizes. I feel disrespected. What should I do?

    1. That is tough! Your husband is not treating you like he should. However, you can’t change him. Only God can do that. I would make an extra effort to pray for him diligently, asking God to open his eyes. Then, practice showing him respect. Although hard to do, respect is a need every man has. I am sorry you have to endure that hurt. Remember, love bears all things.

  9. Yes! We’ve been married for five years and the first few years I got upset about EVERYTHING! Poor man had to tip toe around me all the time. I finally learned how to vocalize what I heard him saying and he learned how to explain what he meant when I misunderstood. I also got a thicker skin; our friends often joke that my husband’s resiliency has rubbed off on me 😉

  10. My husband do say hurtful words to me and it has really affected our marriage. I don’t feel the urge to make love to him because those hurtful words keeps ringing in my head. Each time I try to reconnect, he hurts me with his bad words and he makes me feel like am the victim or the problem.

    1. That can be very hard. In those situations, we need to respect and love our husband as unto the Lord. Do it for God, and he will bless you for that. Spend a lot of time in prayer, asking Him for strength and wisdom. Pray that God will work a change in your husband.

      1. What is wrong by saying- I am hurt when you say this. I’m feel put down and belittled when this happens? Apologizing when you are wrong and say I did mean that so I will try not no do ….. Honest communication is important in marriage. Then you can start working on problems.

        1. Absolutely, we should always say the truth in love. Communication is very important in marriage. Too often, however, we tend to react badly because we are hurt and offended. Instead of listening to understand, and choosing to forgive, we react and everything blows up. Our reactions define a lot of our relationship with our husband.

      2. I’ve been married three months and it feels like the worst three months of my life I pray I pray I journal for God to soften his heart he’s a godly man but I’m torn and I’m getting resentful because I know he’s not seeing God like he should he wouldn’t be treating me like this talked me down yells and screams
        At me says things I don’t want to mention ? I also don’t want to make love anymore when I tell him something has bothered me of I tell Him any of my feelings that have nothing to do with him that aren’t good he gets angry….I’ve been praying with him!! I feel like the more I pray and the more gentle I am the more angry I get in return

        1. I’m sorry you are struggling through this. I understand your hurt. This war that you are waging is not against your husband, but rather against the rulers of darkness. Ephesians 6:12 says “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Don’t give up! You can not change your husband, but God can. I encourage you to read https://www.keepersathome.ca/when-your-husband-doesnt-share-your-faith/ May this help you be encouraged.

          1. But he screams at her. This is not acceptable. She should get herself to a safe place before he starts hitting her.

    2. I know you’re hurt but please forgive your husband and don’t ever stop praying for him. Pray for him as often as you are able to, even when you’re upset with him. While praying for your husband to change, make sure to ask God to show you your own faults so that you can accept and work on them. I wish you all the best in your marriage.

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