The power of Unity in marriage is a precious thing that every couple needs.
It’s a lofty dream, isn’t it? A wedding invitation reads “we invite you as we are united in marriage….” In reality, often there is little to no unity after getting married!
When I got married I had high hopes that we would now be truly united in marriage.We were one now, right? It didn’t take long before there was division and strife instead of unity and peace between my husband and me.
My husband wanted to buy a boat, I couldn’t justify the money.
I wanted to get our photos taken, he refused.
He was stern with our children, I thought he was too harsh.
So many fights and divisions over minor and major things that came along. So many hurt feelings that it made me throw my arms up in despair.
Marriage is a covenant that God designed, and yet there was nothing holy about our marriage!
Oneness in marriage sounds like a simple concept when in reality there is much more to it.
Not only does unity in marriage means peace and happiness, but there are also different areas of marriage where they may or may not be unity. If you are looking for ways to promote oneness in marriage, then read on!
5 Ways to Promote Oneness in Marriage Are:
3.united in Parenthood
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” Psalm 133:1
How many areas are you truly ONE in your marriage? In this last year, my husband and I have struggled to be united spiritually.
Not growing in our faith at the same time as well as having different ideas of what it means to serve God meant there was a lot of division. Ultimately this has made me realize the power of prayer, and what complete surrender can do for your marriage.
Unity in your marriage is something to strive for. It does not always come easy but if you are both willing to love the other better then self, a better and closer relationship is possible.
5 Ways To Create Unity in A Christian Marriage
Mark 10:9 What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Our faith is such an important part of our lives that when this area struggles, your whole life seems to fall apart. Three ways to grow and serve the Lord together are:
Pray together daily.
Make it a habit to pray together, with your entire family but also as a couple. This requires a level of transparency because it is really hard to spill out your heart to God in front of your spouse. However, the blessings that come with this transparency are many.
Study the Bible Together.
Make a habit of reading a devotional or bible study together. While I do believe that our relationship with God is personal, incorporating it into our marriage is so important for a happy and healthy marriage.
Go to church together.
Meeting other fellow believers that will encourage and edify you is important for a strong marriage. God provided the church for us so that we might serve each other. Helping others and being helped keeps us from becoming too self centered.
So many couples argue over finances. This is a major cause of divorce and division in North America. One spouse spends too much, while the other one worries and needs the security of too much money.
Both aren’t healthy, and therefore cause fights and stress. If this is something you struggle with, Jimmy Evans covers the differences and how to understand each other in Marriage on the Rock.
Three ways to become more united in financial matters are:
Joint bank accounts.
You got married, you should have joint bank accounts. You and I are no longer. Now you are a “WE”, and “US”. Keep that in mind when managing money.
Discuss all major purchases.
My husband and I discuss pretty much every purchase over $100. Sit down with your husband and ask him how he feels and what he thinks would be a good amount for a standard.
Some feel that anything over $50 needs to be discussed, while others are okay with higher amounts.
Discuss vision and goals.
Where there is no vision, they perish (Proverbs 29:18). We need to have a vision and mission for ourselves on this earth. What does God want you to do with your life? What is His purpose for you?
Creating a mission statement for your family as well as for your marriage can help you become united in your purpose-filled life.
3.United in Parenthood
Being united in decisions before children are one thing. Being united in everything after having kids is another. More times than I care to count, I have interfered when my husband disciplined our children.
First I would complain about how much they were driving me crazy, then I would sympathize too much with the child and try to make excuses for him. After realizing how harmful this was, I tried to keep my overly soft mother’s heart to myself. Children are much more secure in a family where there are no divisions between the parents.
Three ways to be more united in Parenthood are:
Never pick your child’s side.
Even when you disagree with your spouse, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD KNOW. Discuss it with your husband behind closed doors, but never let your child know that you disagree.
Be united in decisions.
Communicate! So important to talk about what the expectations and goals are for your children. As much as lies within you, agree, and live peaceably with each other. This often means giving up self, but it is so important for oneness in marriage.
Discuss and agree on consequences and punishments for disobedience.
In my opinion, this topic should be discussed even before marriage. How did your parents train you, and how do you want to train your children? If you communicate with each other your wishes and desires for your children, a mutual understanding will happen and prevent arguments.
Something that God created to be a beautiful and productive, satan has degraded into a dirty and ugly thing. Many Christians have a wrong view of sex, because of the wrong teaching as a child and the view that the world has. Sex inside a marriage is GOOD. It is a wonderful expression of oneness, of unity in the flesh.
Some things that prevent a healthy sex life are:
Lack of desire is something a lot of women struggle with. I used to use the excuse that this was just the way I was. However, after taking this amazing course by Shiela Wray Greigore, I realized that I was completely normal and there was help for me.
One thing I have realized is that when there is emotional unity in marriage, sexual desire increases a lot for a lot of women. Often it is a head game for us, and this course can help with that. If it’s hormone and health issues, get help. A marriage will never be in unity completely if this area is struggling.
Lack of time.
Honestly, if you feel like you never have the time, your priorities are mixed up. A healthy sex life is extremely important to a healthy marriage and we have to take the time for it. Don’t let your husband receive the last part of you. Be sure to spare some of your energy to please and serve him.
Low Self Esteem.
I know when I feel ugly, I have no sex drive. God tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Do you believe that? I struggle to, and yet I know it to be true. When you want to criticize yourself, see yourself the way God does, and He looks at the heart!
Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind to one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.
How can you be one with your spouse if there is no transparency in your relationship? This is something that I have struggled with so much over the years.
Because of past hurts, I closed up my heart and refused to share it with my husband. Especially when you have been hurt repeatedly over the years, opening up to someone else can be very hard.
If your husband is not a changed man like mine was, it can be impossible. But realizing that closeness in marriage does not come cheap can help give you the strength to bare your heart to the one you love.
Try these things to become united emotionally:
Make the time to talk to each other. Especially in this age of smartphones and NetFlix, heart to heart conversations can feel far and few in between.
Speak the truth in love
Sometimes our partner will do things that we do not agree with. Instead of being quiet, speak the truth in love. Don’t just ignore it, but tell him, and then let it go. A nagging wife is no joy to be around.
Be open and honest.
This one is often harder than we realize. When we make it look like everything is alright when in truth they are not, that is actually lying. Being both partners are open and honest with an attitude of kindness and love, the level of unity in their relationship will be amazing.
Let each esteem other better than self.
Why does self-righteousness want to rear its ugly head so easily? When I remember that my husband is a beloved child of God, it helps keep me humble. A critical and negative attitude can tear down a marriage easily.
Heavenly Father, I thank you that you see us and know our hearts. Help me to love my husband the way you do, with selfless love.
Bring unity into our marriage, Lord. You are the author of peace and not of confusion. Help us to bring glory to you in our marriage.
Help us be united in everything, with you as the center. A threefold cord is not easily broken, Lord, and we need your strength to be able to fight for our marriage. Thank you for your grace for our sinfulness.
In Jesus Name, Amen
A complete oneness in marriage the way God intended is only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. Ask God to work on your marriage, and show you where the are divisions.