Reconnecting by Communication

Do you struggle with knowing how to talk to your husband? Male and female can communicate in such different ways that coming across clearly can be difficult at times.

One of the biggest problems in a lot of marriage is not a lack of words, but rather a lack of speaking in a way that the other will listen.

Sometimes I am astounded. How can my husband misinterpret my words so much??

I have a hard time talking to my husband so that he understands what I mean. For some reason, it always comes across differently then what I meant.

Do you struggle with this too? Communication in marriage is so important, especially for the wife. If she isn’t able to talk with her husband, she does not feel connected emotionally with him at all. 

And when couples stop talking, a marriage goes downhill fast!

When there is no communication, there is no connection. 

When a husband won’t talk, wives sometimes feel that their husband hates them. Yet that is far from the truth! 

In reality, the man Is confused over why his wife is so teary and angry about him. This causes him to shut down and stop sharing. A man will at times build walls around his heart to protect himself.

Unfortunately, that also makes a wife feel unloved because she is unable to connect with him.

I recently heard a story that made me laugh. A wife goes to a marriage counselor completely brokenhearted. Her husband won’t talk to her and obviously doesn’t care for her. 

The next day a man comes into the counselor’s office and shares how he doesn’t know what’s wrong with their marriage. 

As the counselor listens (he didn’t know these two were married), he starts putting pieces of these stories together and wonders if the woman from the previous day is his wife. So he asks the husband, “Have you tried talking to your wife?”

“I can’t do that!” He exclaims. “I tried that once and she starts crying!”

Women and men are so different. After the marriage therapist explained to him that women like to cry, that it is a stress reliever for them, he was blown away. 

A couple of days later he met the couple again, and she was just over the moon. 

“He talked to me!”

So maybe your communication issues aren’t that extreme, but a lack of talking with your husband can be a big part of a better marriage relationship. 

A big part of getting your husband to listen to you when you are talking is your attitude. Nobody wants to listen to a disrespectful wife.

Ephesians 5:33.…and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (KJV)

Respect is not a “want” that men have, but rather a “need.” And God put you, his wife,  into the position to fulfill that need. 

How to talk to your Husband so that he listens (and talks to you too.)

1. Speak respectfully.

The tone of your voice is very important. If in your deepest parts you do not respect your husband, it will come through in your voice.

2. Dont be critical.

Criticism shuts down a man’s ability to listen with an open heart. Speak positively and without giving blame.

3. Think before you speak.

Watch your words carefully. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Ask God to guard your mouth so that nothing nasty comes out.

4.Listen to understand.

I once realized that while I was listening to my husband, I was listening to correct him more than listening to understand. How awful is that?

Listen to understand, don’t interrupt, and think before you speak.

5. Wait for the right timing.

Don’t try to have a heart to heart when he is busy. Wait to talk about the very important, heart matters, stuff for when you both have the time.

With intention and effort, learning to talk to your husband so that he will actually listen is possible. And the reward for a closer relationship and a happier marriage are all worth it!

If you struggle with knowing how to talk to your husband, try speaking respectfully, and without criticism. Also, your tone and attitude are very important if you want him to listen and talk with you as well.

Although men and women often communicate in different ways, clear communication is very important in marriage and something we should all strive for.

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