We’ve recently entered into the world of parenting a 10-year-old boy, and I’m almost scared. Is this what we have in front of us for the next five-plus years?
It feels like a few short years ago that we brought home our first baby, a tiny boy that completely won our hearts. I became engrossed in parenting, to the point my husband felt neglected.
He was a very satisfied baby, until around 7 months of age. Then teething started and he became an attached boy that wanted nothing but his mother.
Now he is standing almost as tall as me and thinks he doesn’t need his parents anymore. He longs to make his own decision and chafes under the discipline of his parents.
It’s a struggle with him longing for more independence and yet still being that little boy that needs his parents to set boundaries and make decisions for him.
While we do need to learn to let go of the reins slowly, we are still fully responsible to his teaching and training. He is not that old yet!
Our greatest concern for our children is that they will love the Lord, and serve Him all the days of their life.
We want them to have a biblical worldview, and make their own choice to serve Christ.
It’s easy to blame myself when things seem to go wrong. If only I was the perfect parent, my children would turn out perfect….right?
Adam and Eve had the perfect Father, and yet they still choose to sin. Our children will make mistakes, just as we have and will.
As a Parent to A Ten Year Old, I am just learning how to react (or not!) to the things they say or do. I am by no ways wise in these things, because, after all, he is my first ten-year-old.
Somethings I know to be true, though. While I struggle with following these tips daily, they still help me to have a vision for my parenting. I hope they will be a blessing to you too.
Tips For Parenting A 10-Year-Old
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1.Give Him Respect
He struggles to give it, and yet longs for it deeply. When we respect one another, we recognize the value that they have, as a creation of God.
Our children are not ‘ours’.
Rather, we have been given them as gifts. They belong to God, and we have the responsibility of training them and teaching them in the way they should go.
Recognizing the value of my ten-year-old boy in the eyes of God helps me to treat him with more kindness and respect.
He is of great value, and his opinions and feelings matter.
You can’t allow your son to do anything that he wants, because his flesh will run the show. However, learn to listen to him.
Listen with the intent of understanding. You don’t have to agree with all his thoughts, but know that you are there for him.
2.Set Boundaries
They might think they hate them, but children are happier when they have clear, established boundaries.
Not every ten-year-old will need the same boundaries, as some are more mature than others. However, pray for wisdom, and trust the God will help you.
Set boundaries that will protect the innocence of your child.
A child left to himself will bring his mother to shame. (Proverbs 29:15)
You can’t trust that your child will not decide to do evil when given the opportunity. He is not old enough to make wise decisions in difficult situations.
Set boundaries, and enforce them.
3.Don’t Take It Personally
How easy it is to become angry at the attitude and sullen eyes of a ten-year-old.
This is a great opportunity to take the higher road, and not take it personally. He is struggling with giving up self, and when you become angry, it just makes things worse.
Don’t back down on your stand, but continue to be cheerful.
Rebuke him if needed, and then continue on with life.
Above all, don’t let HIS bad attitude reflect a bad attitude in you!
4.Love Him Anyway
He needs your love.
Now more than any other time. His conscience is already telling him that he is having a bad attitude, and when treated with anger, just justifies his actions in his own eyes.
Be firm. You need to be, for he will do his best to run the show.
But love him anyway. Find out what his love language is, and make an effort to show love to him in that way.
5.Enjoy Him For Who He Is
Our children will never be just like us.
God created them uniquely, and we need to enjoy them for who they are. Your ten-year-old boy is uniquely made by God.
Delight in his personality, his gifts, and even his more annoying traits. He needs to feel your loving acceptance.
6.Be Patient With The Process
It’s gonna take time! He will not get it all right, all the time. That’s ok!
Remind yourself that the way it is today does not necessarily mean that’s the way it will always be.
Learning to navigate the hormonal preteen and teenage years isn’t easy for the parents, but neither is it for your child.
Be patient with him.
7.PRAY PRAY PRAY!
Dear parent, you need to pray for your children.
Who will intercede on their behalf if you don’t? Pray that your child will have a hunger for the truth of God’s Word.
Pray that they will learn to know God intimately.
The devil wants your children.
Only through the mighty power of God, will they be spared. Pray over your children daily.
These are things that parents should not do if they want their children to continue in the faith.
8.Speak Life Over Him
In our words, there is the power of life or death.
We can choose how and what we speak over our children. Do you speak negatively towards them? Do you only see the bad in them?
Seek to speak encouraging words over your children. Look for the good in them, and then tell them what you see!
They need to hear encouragement from their parents. There is enough self-criticism in their own minds.
We aren’t alone in being bombarded by negative thoughts. They are too.
9.Give Him Work To Do
Boys need to work! God created them to be the primary breadwinner, and He gave them the drive to work hard.
Boys that have things to do, will be less moody and sullen.
This does not mean video games/screen time. I find that too much screen time actually makes the attitude 10X worse.
Working helps them to feel like they have a purpose and are valuable to society. A ten-year-old boy can start learning about where his gifts and talents lie.
Encourage him to start doing some jobs to know where his interests lie. By the time a boy is sixteen, he should have had at least 4 or 5 different jobs.
That’s the fastest way to discover what he doesn’t like to do. Encourage your son to read this book. It’s an awesome resource to teach moral values to your son.
If you don’t have enough jobs for your son, get him involved in sports or physical activity. Ask him where his interest lie and try to find something that he will enjoy.
Our son is soon to turn 11, and will soon be taller than I am. Sometimes I am in awe of how fast time goes. We are just learning about parenting preteens so these tips are just as much for me as for you!
Parenting a ten-year-old has given me a glimpse into the joys of having young adult children in the home.
It also has given me a taste of stressful days where the attitude runs into days instead of minutes.
Learn to give your son respect, boundaries, and love.
Pray for him daily, and be patient with the process.
He is discovering who he is, and it’s a journey for him as well as for you. Enjoy him for who he is, for he is uniquely made.
Parenting a ten-year-old boy can be hard, but it’s not impossible. These years can be joyful too! Speak life into your son, and see the fruit of your labors.