There are many important things in a successful marriage. In this article we will cover the four most important ones.
When I was young, and thinking about marriage, I didn’t really consider marriage that big of a deal. After all, we loved each other and that’s all that counted, right? We were in love!
But selfish love doesn’t get you very far.
It definitely helps if you admire your spouse and love him, but a deep abiding love that will last for decades often means making a decision, a commitment to stick through until the end.
Four important things in marriage that will help you keep your marriage going are commitment, honesty, respect, and selfless love.
Decades ago it was common practice for parents to decide who you were to marry.
Imagine the respect children had for their parents, that they were willing to follow that advice.
Yes, I am sure many parents made poor decisions, and I don’t intend to decide for our children. However, in that era, feelings had little to do with a marriage decision.
Often it was a matter of the reputation that the parents had and if the future husband would be able to provide for his family.
There must have been many couples that had strong virtues. The divorce rate in the 1800s was much lower than these days.
So what are the truly important things that made their marriages work?
Commitment
Merriam Webster defines commitment as ‘dedicated or loyal to something’. A marriage relationship where there is no true commitment will fall at the earliest sign of trouble.
Commitment is one of the most important things in marriage. Jesus is our greatest example of commitment.
He was committed to the path God had made for him, and he finished it.
Commitment is a choice.
It’s not a feeling, but rather a decision.
Marriage vows are quoted as ‘til death do us part.’ That’s a verbal commitment that you make on your wedding day.
A decision that says I will not leave you, through good times and bad. If you are not willing to commit to your partner, you know that your relationship will not last.
However, what we often don’t realize is that commitment also means sacrifice.
It means I will have to sacrifice my carnal desires, fleshly wants, for the greater purpose of a successful marriage.
It means being selfless.
The virtue of selflessness is lacking in today’s culture and is a big reason for the lack of strong marriages.
Be committed, through good and bad times, and you will see the fruit thereof.
Commitment is seeing something through until the end.
It is what will make a marriage last. A commitment that we will stick through the bad times, to see the fruit of a dedicated cause.
Honesty
Lie not to one another, seeing that you have put off the old man with his deeds; and have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him. Colossians 3:9
Honesty is crucial to a trustworthy relationship.
Without honesty, trust and hearts get broken. You can not build a good marriage on half-truths and half-lies.
Never lie to your spouse, not even a white lie. Always say the truth in a kind and loving manner. Trust once broken is hard to regain.
Make a commitment to speak the truth daily.
If you struggle with lying, ask God to remove that bondage from your life. Confess your faults and ask your spouse to pray for you.
Respect
A solid marriage is where two people have a high level of love and respect for each other.
When we respect our husband, it means we hold a special and high regard for him. The bible tells us in honor preferring one another (Romans 12:10). Philippians 2:3 tell us to esteem each other better than ourselves.
Our fleshly mind will always strive to please ourselves.
However, we need to crucify our flesh daily. Do this to please God, and know that good fruit will come out of it.
Love
Not a love that is all about me and how I feel.
Not a selfish love, but rather an agape love. Agape love is the love that Jesus has for us. It is selfless and doesn’t say what is in it for me, but rather what is in it for your spouse. Others instead of self.
When you’re in love with a person, you want that person to love you back with equal fierceness. However, when you love someone, it is sacrificial, selfless, unconditional love.
Agape love is love where you love relentlessly, without expecting an equal amount of love back. The kind of love Jesus has for us.
This is the love we should truly want for our spouse.
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While being in love with our spouse is important, and makes things fun, a good marriage can thrive on commitment, honesty, respect and selfless love.
A good marriage will have all four, and all need an intentional effort. Fight for your marriage! It is too important to give up on.
There are many important aspects to a successful marriage, but commitment, honesty, love and respect range in the top four.
What have you found to be an important part of your marriage?