A Marriage Without Forgiveness: A Dead Marriage

The importance of forgiveness in marriage cannot be overstated. 

A marriage without forgiveness will soon be dead, because the truth is, you and your spouse will hurt each other at times.

By the grace of God, you can have a marriage that’s peaceful and beautiful, the way God intended, but we are a sinful people. And sinful people make mistakes. Sinful people hurt each other, sometimes willingly and sometimes not. 

That’s where forgiveness comes in. 

We had been married for just over a year when I first found out that my husband was looking at pornography. I was devastated. 

Divorce was not an option. 

My husband begged for my forgiveness, and knowing what Jesus says about forgiving, I knew I really had no choice. 

Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But to choose to forgive was hard. Difficult as it was, I granted my forgiveness. The hurt lingered and did not fade so quickly, but with time I was able to fully forgive. 

Then it happened a second time. And then a third. 

Each time my heart grew a bit harder, and without realizing it I was growing incredibly bitter. 

Holding grudges in marriage is terrible for your relationship and prevents you from being best friends with your spouse.

It creates a wall around your heart because you become afraid to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, although these barriers keep you from feeling hurt, they also keep you from having a deep and personal relationship with your husband.

And with God.

Hebrews 12:15 “Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. “

A lack of forgiveness leads to bitterness and causes you to shut down emotionally and sexually. It wreaks havoc on a marriage and prevents you from having the future you deserve.

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Importance of Forgiveness in Marriage

Forgiveness prevents bitterness and will transform your marriage. 

It’s not at all easy, especially when you have been deeply hurt but for a marriage to thrive, it is absolutely necessary.

The Gottman institute writes that  “the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.”

The truth is that we will be hurtful and get hurt in our lifetime. The important thing is to realize how much we need to forgive and how much forgiveness we need.

Psst…if your marriage is in serious trouble, and you want reconciliation but your husband doesnt, check out this workshop! Click here.

The thing about Unforgiveness is that it:

  1. Leads to bitterness
  2. Leads to a lack of joy in your life.
  3. Keeps You in Bondage
  4. Keeps You Angry
  5. Doesn’t Affect The Other Person

Bitterness and unforgiveness doesn’t really affect the other person. Not nearly as much as it affects you.

The benefits of a forgiving nature are what sets you free and gives you peace. 

4 Things to Remember About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a choice, a decision

Every day we make choices, and it is up to you if you want to choose life or death. Choose to forgive and you choose life for your marriage. 

Forgiveness is just the first step.

You cannot expect the pain to vanish away, and choosing to forgive also does not mean that you let yourself be hurt again and again.

Get help.

Christian counseling can go a long way to repairing a broken marriage, but that alone will not solve things. Both husband and wife need to live lives fully committed to Christ in order for a marriage to thrive.

Healing takes time

Give yourself grace. Jesus is the Healer, and he will heal your heart. Give yourself time and be ok with grieving the hurt.

However, don’t dwell in that hurt. Move forward and let Jesus heal your heart.

Forgiving requires surrendering all to Christ

Forgiving your husband means having to surrender your hurt to Christ.

 

4 Benefits of Forgiveness in Marriage

If you want to be free of the hurt, then you need to forgive. So hard to do, and yet so needful for a happier marriage. 

Things to remember:

  1. Forgiving sets you free, heals your heart.
  2. It is more for you than for the other.
  3. Makes for a more stable environment for your children.
  4. Helps you to have a more fulfilling life, without anger and bitterness.

The importance of forgiveness in marriage cannot be overstated. 

A marriage without forgiveness will soon be dead, but by being intentional about forgiving one another, your marriage can thrive and become the picture of Christ and the church it was intended to be.

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