Here in this series we will seek to understand our husband better. Understanding what our man needs from us will help us be a better wife, and make our husband cherish and love us more.
My husband needs to feel accepted by me.
Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God. Romans 15:7
Key number 1 to being a better wife is Acceptance. Accepting your husband means we take him at face value.
Men are usually the more stoic, logical, and rational ones in a marriage relationship. Most men will tell it like it is. When he tells you something, don’t assume that he means something else.
Acceptance does not mean that we are blind to his faults, however, we look to his better qualities. All men have some good qualities, and at times we just need to search for them.
We should not try to change a man into someone he is not. If he is living in sin, we should share the truth, and then pray without ceasing, until God works to show him the Truth.
Don’t try to change your husband, even when you think it is for his own good. Not only will this cause him to resent you, he might also rebel.
A couple years after we got married, as we were driving home, my husband was speeding a bit. I asked him to slow down. Instead of hearing my concerns, he sped up. I was furious!
He wasn’t in the right. However, he knew I didn’t trust his driving. Therefore he rebelled against my criticism. In hindsight, I should have handled the situation differently, but that’s a post in itself for another day.
Trying to change your husband into someone he is not will cool his feelings for you. Rather, seek to inspire him to righteousness.
Key to Acceptance is Humility.
Very often, when we cannot accept our husbands’ faults, it is because we do not truly realize that we have faults as well. A self-righteous attitude is sure to turn away your husbands love from you. Realize that you are not perfect either, and make an effort to focus on his good qualities.
Don’t try to improve him, and mold him into who you think he should be. Accept him as part fault, and part virtue.
Don’t Be Critical
Criticism is one of the four horseman as described by Dr. John Gottman. Criticism is very common and can deteriorate a relationship fast. When you criticize your husband, he feels attacked, rejected, and hurt.
When your husband hurts you or does something that you feel needs to be brought to light, use a positive approach. Instead of saying “you never think about me”, say something along the lines of “when you don’t ask for my input on….., I feel unimportant”. In this way you don’t attack him, and yet you are able to share your feelings.
Don’t Compare Him To Other Men.
Never tell him you wish he was like someone else. This will damage his self-confidence greatly. Remember, the opposite of acceptance is rejection. Rather make a list of things you admire about him. Then make a point to tell him about those things you love. The more you will find to compliment, the less you will find to criticize.
Use a Positive Approach.
People grow into who we expect them to be. The power of our words has a big effect on our children, just as much on our husband. Saying things like “I knew you could do this”, shows him that you have confidence in him. When he does something contrary, show surprise because that was something you didn’t expect from him. Expect the best, look to his better side, and keep from criticizing.
What Not To Accept
Accepting your husband is very important, however, there are some things we should not accept. These include if he is abusive to you or your children, infidelity, or doesn’t provide for his family. Seek professional help if you are in such a situation. In this situation, you will need to give him a clear choice between his addictions or his family.
My husband has changed greatly, for the better, from the beginning of our marriage until now. This is no credit to myself, for there was nothing I could do to inspire him to change. The only thing we as wives can do is obey God’s Word in 1 Peter 3:1, where it tells us that women should, by their actions, win their husbands.
If you seek to accept your husband, you will reap tremendous rewards. Your children will grow up and realize their dad has faults too, but because you sought to honor him, as unto the Lord, they will rise up and call you blessed.