Does your husband still love you? Maybe it feels like your relationship has grown cold. This article covers an important tip to improve your marriage by focusing on an important aspect of a relationship.
Marriage is a God-given institute, and yet there is absolutely nothing easy about two very different people living together in unity, cleaving together as heirs together in life.
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Recently my husband and I hit a rough patch, where we were seriously wondering how this thing called marriage should ever work.
And we’ve been married for over ten years. You would think we would have figured it out already.
I felt that my husband did not love me anymore. I wondered if he ever really had! You can tell I was in a slump over this. Would we ever attain a marriage that was happy, a true expression of what marriage should look like?
As the Holy Spirit so often does, he directed me to the book LOVE and RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I had heard about this book a couple years ago already, but the time wasn’t right, for it seemed to fit our situation perfectly now.
Isn’t it amazing how God works? I could have read it three years ago, and it wouldn’t have given me the spiritual spanking it did now.
How Can A Woman Get Her Husband To Love and Cherish Her Again?
This book isn’t intended only for men, or only for women. Instead, it is for both to read together, preferably.
However, either could read it alone and still change your marriage for the better. There is a section meant for women, and a section meant for men.
In a nutshell, Women desire to be loved, as much as a man desires to be respected.
Therefore, in order for a husband to be able to truly love his wife, he needs to feel respected. In order for a woman to be able to respect her husband, she needs to feel loved.
The Bible tells us, women, in Ephesians 5:33, that we are to reverence our husbands. Ever since the fall of man, women have struggled with this.
Let’s stand up for truth, even when our carnal nature wants to fight against it.
To say to a man (either by word or deed) “I don’t respect you, your opinions, thoughts etc.” is the same as a man telling a woman that he doesn’t love her.
How hurt are we, if we feel that our husband doesn’t love us? That’s the same reaction men get when they don’t feel respected. Respecting your husband will make him fall in love with you all over again.
Men NEED to feel respected, and if they do, will be much more able to show you love.
We woman might not understand this, but woman look at the world through pink tinted glasses while men look through blue tinted glasses.
We look at things in a very different way. If we can remember that in sticky situations, we should be better able to understand the different reactions.
Once we get a glimpse of how the opposite sex sees things, we are able to figure them out on a much deeper level.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs goes on to outline the acronym COUPLE for men, and CHAIRS for women to help us remember.
Men need to remember the acronym C-O-U-P-L-E. It stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. These are things that a woman desires. He amplifies each one in his book.
Read More: 5 Books Every Christian Wife Should Read
Ladies, we need to remember C-H-A-I-R-S. It stands for Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality. These are all areas that are important to the man in our life.
Read More: A Godly Woman’s Role In Marriage
I can only speak from a woman’s perspective, but the things he writes about a woman’s heart fit to a tee. We want to be LOVED, and I know men long to be RESPECTED.
I realized I had much to repent over in this situation, not giving my husband the respect he deserves.
Our husbands might not always deserve the respect, however, the Bible instructs us in Ephesians to respect our husbands (Ephesians 5:33).
How often do we women deserve to be loved? And yet, God tells men to love their wives as God loves the church.
We need to respect our husbands as unto the Lord. When we fulfill our God-given duty to respect our husband, he will naturally love you more.
Dr. Emerson talks about what he calls the crazy cycle.
Without love, a woman reacts without respect.
Without respect, a man acts without love.
And around, around we go. This is a cycle we can break! If you choose to react with respect even when he is unloving, he will take notice and return with love.
‘My response is my responsibility.’ You are not responsible for his reaction, but for your own response.
I strongly encourage every couple to read this book. Even if just one of you is willing to put forth the effort, do it.
You can make a difference if you will read it with an open heart. If you feel that your husband does not love you, start treating him with respect. He will fall more in love with you for it.
Here is a challenge for you. Find one thing that you really respect your husband for, and tell him that. Then let me know in the comments below how he reacts!
‘My spouse doesn’t cause me to be the way I am, he reveals the way I am.’ -Dr. Eggerichs.
When it feels like your husband does not love you anymore, try showing him respect. It will speak to his heart.
My husband cheated on me and the worst part is , that the woman is married and hasn’t divorced her husband. So she was having the best of the two men at my expense. It hurts . Forgiving him is hard ,I can’t help referring to the issue ,even though he has apologized and promised not to go on with it. I am really hurting.
I’m so sorry to hear that. You are going through a really difficult time. You need to get Biblical help and counseling. God can help you forgive and move on. Do you have a church family that can help you? Praying for you!