When couples argue constantly, it wreaks havoc on a family.
It all starts innocently enough. A small frown, a sharp word. Words start being used as weapons of marriage destruction. Back and forth until one of you gets mad enough and leaves the room to cool off.
At the beginning of our marriage, we often didn’t even talk it through afterwards. We just buried that bitterness somewhere deep inside to ferment, and carried on our lives as much as two selfish people can.
So often those old scars would rear their ugly heads the next time we would have a disagreement. Things rarely got talked through.
Boy, I’m glad things aren’t like that anymore.
As much as I’d like to say my husband and I never fight, I can’t. We don’t nearly as often, but we still do let our emotions get the best of us at times.
As I pondered on what causes fights, I realized that to stop fighting with my husband, I need to realize my own faults. We cannot change our husbands, but we can see our own ways the way God sees it.
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This article is not written for husbands, but for wives that are willing to work intentionally at fighting less, and “without the word be won by the conversation of the wives (1 Peter 3:1).
So if you’re sick and tired of fighting in your marriage, between two people who used to love one another, read on.
6 Ways You Can Stop Fighting With Your Spouse.
1. Search Your Heart For Self-Righteousness.
So easily we fall into this trap. The Bible tells us that “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes” (Proverbs 21:2). I’ve at times grumbled that everyone always thinks he is right, but I realized I do too!
Check your heart, do you feel you are right in this? Do you think you are the better one, the most wise one? Sometimes things that we are completely convinced we are right, turns out we are actually wrong.
2. Respect Your Husbands Opinion.
God created him too, and He loves him much more than you will ever be able to. Romans 12:10 speaks of honoring one another above ourselves.
That also means respecting what your husband is saying, even when you don’t agree. If I take on the mentality that it’s okay, I don’t agree, but he is entitled to his own opinion, it makes it easier to respect him.
When it’s a matter of making a decision where you disagree, allow the Holy Spirit to work on him.
Be open with your thoughts (In a kind way), then go into your prayer closet, and ask God to show him the way. Believe this, God is much more capable then I am at changing his heart.
3. Try To Understand.
Consider in what circumstances he grew up in, and what experiences in life have affected his responses. An understanding response can very quickly douse the flames of anger.
4. Keep Communication Lines Open.
My husband used to be the type that would shut down, and from what I’ve heard, a lot of men tend to do this. This bothered me a lot when we first got married because women need that connection from their man.
Try talking about it, or if you tend to speak more then you ought to, write your husband a letter to share how you feel without anger and malice.
5. Realize that the enemy, the devil, is out to kill, steal, and destroy your marriage.
He wants nothing more than to see your marriage and family in shambles. Stand up for truth, and declare God’s truth over your house. Remember, you are on the same side!
A three-strand cord is not easily broken, and when God, your husband, and yourself stand united, the enemy doesn’t stand a chance. That is why he works so hard to divide your relationship.
Refuse to let satan use his tactics to destroy your life. Be bold against the enemy. You and your husband are on the same team, and with God’s help, you can prevail against evil.
6. Find Your Worth in Christ.
No human can fulfill our expectations, not even your spouse. So easily we hang our hopes of happiness on our husband when in truth he will never be able to live up to that.
Your husband is a human as well, and will let you down often in this life. Only when we know our value in the eyes of Jesus, can we rest in that. He will never let us down.
A marriage without Christ as the cornerstone will never thrive the way it ought to. If you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, then reach out to me. I would happily tell you about Him.
A good marriage, one without constant fighting, might feel unattainable, but it’s not. If your husband is not open to help, then work on your part. How you respond does much to ignite or smother a fight.
Searching your own heart, showing respect to your husband, trying to understand are all important in a good relationship.
Related: Biblical Submission in Marriage
A marriage where you are fighting with your spouse all the time is not pretty.
You cannot change your husband, but you can work on yourself.
Find your worth in the Love of Christ and realize what you are fighting against.
Take heart, God is faithful! He hears and helps those that come to him with a repentant heart (John 9:31). A better marriage is possible if you don’t quit.