Emotionally Unsupportive Husbands and Exhausted Wives

In a perfect world, husband and wife would always be there for each other.

They would support and love one another the way Christ loves his church. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. 

It is hard when you get no emotional support from your husband.

Or maybe you get no help with the kids. When your husband doesn’t seem to see the need to be there for you, it can get emotionally draining.

​When my husband and I first got married, things were fine.

After all, I wasn’t working outside the home and I was easily able to manage the responsibilities that came with managing a home. I enjoyed it.

My day to day wasn’t that stressful, and even though I would have enjoyed more emotional support when I was having a bad day, it was fine.

Independent by nature, I managed well.

By the time we had three children, I was exhausted and overwhelmed.

I remember one incident in particular where I asked him if he would watch the kids while I went for a short walk. I needed to get away so badly. 

He was busy, he told me.

He was fixing some stuff in our home, and while I could understand his need to get some stuff done, I was at a breaking point.

I needed help so badly. I ended up putting the kids in a stroller, walking anyway, and having an anxiety attack.

 My husband was not someone that was able to see the help that I needed with the kids.

His mindset was that since he earned all the money when he was home he put up his feet.

​When we went camping, all I saw was the huge amount of work that it was, while my husband went fishing.

​Now please understand, I am NOT dissing my husband. The only reason I am able to talk about this is that my husband has changed a LOT over the years.

However, I still remember the struggle that I had.

And I hear it from other women too.

I know the need that you have for emotional and physical support from your husband.

​I am so thankful my husband took such good care of us financially. Some wives don’t have that support, and they struggle a lot more than I ever did.

​There are many wives that long for emotional and physical support from their husband but they don’t receive it.

​They feel like they give and give and give. Sometimes you just get all “gived” out!

​I’ve been there. Where I felt like I have nothing more to give.

It’s exhausting.

​In that moment it’s especially important to remember “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Sometimes it’s hard to continue giving.

​I love what the Bible promises though.

Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

​It is not easy when a lot of responsibilities lie on your shoulders, when you don’t have the support of your husband, but take heart. With God, you can do this.

He will reward you.

Proverbs 3: 27 says “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so.”

Do everything, as unto our Lord. Remembering this will make it easier to continue to give.

Jesus does so much for us and when we remember that, we will serve others more joyfully.

​Do you feel like all the responsibilities fall on you? I think we all have those days where the mountain seems much bigger than the shovel!

Being married to an unsupportive husband can make this much harder, however.

​In that situation, mom or wife burnout is a real thing. Especially after a new baby, exhaustion can quickly deteriorate your mental health.

​Know that you are not alone. Many wives go through this.

Things to Remember When Your Husband Is Unsupportive

1.He might not realize it.

​When people are unable to show or receive love, it is often because of past pain in their lives.

It is never because they received too much love and understanding this can help you understand why things are the way they are.

My husband did not see how much his world revolved around himself until we went to marriage counselling in 2019.

​There God opened his eyes. I could not get him to see himself, but God could.

Ask for help.

​Be open with the overwhelm you feel, and tell him that you need support from him.

Understanding what drives the lack of action, as well as being honest will help you get through this better.

2. Keep on Praying.

If you know me, I am a big believer in the power of prayer.

​This is only because I have seen God in action, and it continually amazes me. If you want more support from your husband, take it to the Lord.

3. Be an example.

Don’t return lack of support for lack of support.

Keep on giving. Do it as unto the Lord.

Get your emotional strength from God, and if you need outside help, then get it.

Sometimes our pride keeps us from hiring a babysitter or a housekeeper. Depending on your situation, take action to prioritize and make some decisions.

Be wise and practical.

Prayer When You Have An Unsupportive Husband

“Heavenly Father, please open my husband’s eyes to the help I need from him. I need his support emotionally, physically, and financially.

Help me to be a helper to him as much as I can, and give me the strength to keep on giving. Help me to love him, and keep bitterness away from my heart. In Jesus name, Amen.”

Just yesterday, as we were getting ready to go to sleep, I was battling discouragement.

We had already shut off the lights and were just lying there when my husband reached out a hand and asked what was bothering me.

I asked him what had made him ask that (I thought I had done a good job of hiding my emotions).

Something like this would never have happened three years ago.

That emotional support that I get from my husband today is precious to me because I know how it was without it.

Keep yourself vulnerable. As hard as it is to not let yourself grow emotionally unavailable, it’s not worth it.

Keep praying for God to work in your husband, and strive to improve yourself first by abiding in Christ.

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