The Importance of Building Up Your Husband With Your Words

Using words to build up your husband and your family is one way a wise woman builds her house. Becoming this wise woman is something we should all strive for. 

The old adage that words can never hurt you is such a false notion. The bible tells us that the tongue has in it the power of life or death.

Your mouth can either speak death, or your words can speak life. 

In your marriage, the stakes are high. Will you choose to use your words to build up your husband, or tear him down? 

My husband and I were brought up in completely different households. I would say that my parents had spoken life over me all of my growing-up life.

I didn’t recognize it for what it was, but that encouragement and belief in my ability was a huge factor in the confidence I had as a young adult.

My husband, on the other hand, remembers little but negative things being said about him when he was growing up. 

I don’t write this to diss my inlaws. Not at all! They have wonderful qualities. However, words affect our hearts, and I see the effect of this on my husband’s life. 

Each time someone belittled him or made fun of his weight, he acted bravely. Inside, however, he was crushed. 

With our words, we can either build up the people around us or crush them. As a wife, my words can speak life into my husband, or death. 

And your words do too. 

I recently read the story of Thomas Edison. Not the part of how he invented the lightbulb. We all learned that in school. 

This story happened when he was a little boy still in school. 

Did you know he got sent home from school with a note from his teacher? He handed it to his mom, not knowing what it said. 

She opened it, and read it aloud to him, saying this. “We don’t know what to do with Thomas in school anymore, he’s too smart. He can’t come to school anymore.”

His mom homeschooled him and spoke life over him.  He went on to invent the lightbulb, which is something we all use. 

When his mom passed away years later, he found this note as he was going through her papers and found this letter. 

It read…

“We don’t know what to do with Thomas at school because he isn’t smart. He can’t come to school anymore.”

Can you imagine what would have happened if his mother had told him how dumb he was, that he was good for nothing and that he was a bad boy?

Our words have a huge, eternal impact on our children. 

And they also impact our husbands. 

A wife that builds up her husband will be a wife that is praised at the gates. It’s not always easy, but understanding the power that your words have will help you to choose your words more carefully. 

Choose Life

My challenge for you today is to choose life!

Deuteronomy 30:19 says, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”

What you choose today does not only affect you but also your children and your children’s children.

Consider the blessing in the Old Testament. Esau recognized that he had lost something very valuable when he lost his father’s blessing. 

How often do we bless our husbands? How often do we encourage them, and let them know that we believe in them, and the plan that God has for their lives? 

Our words are important.

James 3:10 says, “Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.”

James recognized how much our words affect others. 

You Have TO Change Your Mindset

The words that proceed out of our mouths are what is in our hearts. For what the heart is full of is what spills out. 

If you have no encouragement to speak over your husband, then check your heart.

If you have a negative mindset you will find nothing good about him, and you will not see him for the treasure he is. Learning to replace negative thoughts with scripture is helpful in changing a negative thought-life.

A negative person is not fun to be around, for they inadvertently pull down others too.

You can change your negative thought life by meditating on scripture and choosing gratitude.

Build Up Your Husband by Guarding Your Tongue

At times, I am quick to speak and slow to listen. Too many times, what comes out of my mouth actually belittles my husband and makes him unsure of himself. 

Think before you speak. If your words will not build him up, then don’t say them. Use your words, for in them you have death or life.

You don’t need to correct your husband every time he says something that is not completely true. I’ve been guilty of this more times than I can count.

If your husband doesn’t get all the facts right when he is telling a story, let it be. Correcting him is a form of disrespect.

Words of Affirmation Are a Love Language Of Every Man

When you will be deliberate in building up your husband with your words, he will feel loved. If you are looking for ways to show your husband how much he means to you, start finding the good in him, and telling him what you see. 

The power of the spoken word on the lives around us is something the Lord has been pressing on my heart for a while now. 

Our words don’t make things just magically happen. However, they affect hearts and minds. The encouragement of a spoken word is a blessing. 

Words DO hurt, and while they don’t break bones, they change lives. Words can bring a lot of happiness or a lot of despair. “

Using words to build up your husband and your family is one way a wise woman builds her house. Becoming this wise woman is something we should all strive for.

It will not happen in one day, but by intentionally choosing to seek the good in others, and learning to think before you speak.

God has set before you today death and life, and He encourages you to choose life. 

3 thoughts on “The Importance of Building Up Your Husband With Your Words”

  1. Hi, I thought I was going to find this article convicting for me but the “If your husband doesn’t get all the facts right when he is telling a story, let it be. Correcting him is a form of disrespect” actually applies more to my husband. He is a very matter of fact type of guy. Logic is everything. If the facts aren’t correct it pretty much kills him unless he can bring that to light. It’s interesting because Marilyn’s response sounds a lot like him. *laugh cry* I struggle because sometimes in correcting my facts or misinformation he misses connecting with the emotion or feeling I am trying to convey. It can be very discouraging to communicate when the point is often lost in the “facts”.

    I could definitely stand to build my husband up more with my words. But I feel a little on my own when it comes to him doing the same. Maybe I am missing something in my own perspective. Thoughts?

  2. “If your husband doesn’t get all the facts right when he is telling a story, let it be. Correcting him is a form of disrespect”

    Hello I was wondering what does this mean? So a wife should just let her husband not have all the facts? She should never disagree? Correction can be done in many ways and it is definiately needed not just for wives. Now I am all for respecting my husband however if he is explaining something and he is misinformed and I know the information if I come off as mean of disrespectful in correcting him then I can see that as unacceptable however if I am correcting him in a loving way how is that disrespectful?


    1. Hi Tamika, discernment is definitely needed. There might be situations where lovingly correcting is not disrespectful. I believe our husbands can often sense the heart behind our words. I know for myself, I often corrected my husband with an attitude of self-righteousness. This was a form of disrespect on my part. Other times, my husband would ask me for my input. The biggest thing is to understand that I am not my husband’s Holy Spirit, and not try to play that role in his life. Hopefully, that makes sense!

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