Have a great sex life in a Christian marriage by realizing that God made sex something to enjoy with your husband.
Were you someone that actually wondered if you would have a great sex life before you got married?
I was so naive that I didn’t even think about it.
Yes, I did think about our wedding night, and what it would be like, but I didn’t dwell on the fact that maybe I wouldn’t find it so much fun after all.
That it would become a chore, just another thing to cross off on my To-Do list.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.
My husband was in for a big disappointment. It didn’t take us very long (about a week) to figure out that our sex drives were vastly different!
Many hurts and tears were spent on our sex life.
With the years, we figured out what worked for us. With a bit of knowledge, be assured that you can have a great sex life.
Christians can have a wonderful sex life for God made the marriage bed, and His design was for us to enjoy it.
By understanding what libido is, by being intentional, and looking for ways to bless your husband, you are well on your way.
Do you suffer from low libido?
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Do you even have a sex drive? That was a question I sometimes asked myself.
I did not understand what libido actually was. I just knew mine was a lot lower than my husband’s.
The Boost Your Libido Course is great if you have zero sexual desire. Check it out here!
The dictionary defines it as sexual desire, but what is normal?
There can be, and usually are, big differences in sexual desires between a married couple.
Almost always one of you will want it more! Mismatched libidos are incredibly common.
So how do you compromise, so that you are both satisfied and not depraved?
First of all, realize that God made sex to be a pleasurable experience for a husband and wife, not just for procreation.
Isn’t he an awesome God that wanted something so beautiful for us?
However, anything wonderful Satan is out to destroy, and he has destroyed it big time in North America.
God made sex into a beautiful thing meant for married couples, and Satan has turned it into a dirty, degrading thing.
We need to go back to God’s original plan for humanity.
After taking the Boost Your Libido Course, I discovered that Libido is something that you either use or you lose.
In the Boost Your Libido Course, Sheila teaches us that women with a lower libido are normal after all!
If you are really struggling in your sex life, you need to check out this course.
Sheila created this after hearing from a LOT of women and realizing how society has taught us the wrong concept of what a good sex life is.
If you’re ready to become a wife that looks forward to sex, check it out here.
I was pleasantly surprised that there were more women (in fact 70%), that had a lower sex drive than their husband, and that I was “Normal” after all.
If you struggle with your sex life and believe it is supposed to be better, then this course is for you.
She teaches us how a woman’s sex drive is largely in her head, and how to convince your head that you WANT sex.
Often when we decide that we want to feel GOOD, our body follows.
How often do we need to fill our husband’s needs?
In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, we read that we should render unto each due benevolence (or kindness), and not withhold your body from each other.
The only time we should hold back is when we with mutual consent decided to withhold for fasting and praying.
This is so that Satan will not be able to tempt us.
How often you decide to have sex is completely between you and your husband.
This is something that you will have to work out.
However, I’d err on the side of more often than not.
For my husband and me, we try every other day. Maybe this sounds like a lot, but in my husband’s best interest, this is what works for us.
It keeps him happy, and I’m willing to keep him happy;).
Of course, there will always arise situations where morning sickness, flu, or your period keep you from that. But having a rule of thumb in my mind keeps us on track.
Does this sound boring? No Spontaneity? Maybe, and that’s where we have to make an extra effort.
31 Days to Great Sex can help you on your journey to a great sex life.
5 Ways To Bless Your Husband Sexually
If you are looking for ways to love your husband physically, then read on!
1.Initiate It
When was the last time you initiated sex?
When you never want to do IT, your husband feels that you are just going along because he wants it, and he wants to feel that you DESIRE him.
My husband told me that he always wants to have sex, so now I usually am the initiator.
But I have to be intentional about it, otherwise, we would have sex much less often.
2.Be adventurous
Be willing to try something new. Any of you that know me, know that I’m really boring. So this is an area I should greatly improve in.
I know it would be a blessing to my husband if I’d get out of my comfortable box.
3.Send Him a Sexy Text.
Or whisper in his ear. The thought that you desire him, and WANT him, will excite him. Send him a message at work, or tell him in the morning.
This will make him remember you all day long!
4.Tell Him What You Want
We ladies need to tell him what feels good.
After all, he cannot read your mind. Be open and honest about what feels good for you and what you want him to do.
Sex is supposed to be wonderful for both partners, not only for one of you.
5.Dress up Just For Him
Add something special to your birthday suit! Your imagination is the limit, but do it for him. Add some feathers, or lace to spice things up.
Just because you are married, does not mean that life should get boring.
Conclusion
A great sex life is possible. It just doesn’t happen by accident.
Take intentional action on improving your married relationship by being more aggressive and open about it.
Sex isn’t everything, but it goes a long way for a lot of men (and 20% of women too).
There are many great resources that you can read or watch that can help you. Sex is only one aspect of a marriage relationship, and men do have other needs as well.
Have a great sex life in Christian marriage by realizing that God created the marriage bed, and He meant it to be both a way to create children, but also for us to enjoy and connect with each other.
Do you feel that you have a great sex life? Or is this something you struggle with as well? Let me know in the comments below.
My wife and I have been married twenty years. The first 10 years our sex life was great. I’ve never cheated bc I only want my wife. I lover her very much and am as attracted to her as I was the day we married. However, the past eight years has had me very depressed and confused. She has no interest in being intimate and won’t discuss it when I bring it up. I’ve asked her to see a doctor bc I feel her hormones are out of whack, but she refuses. It’s now that I go to bed and she stays up and watches TV until 4-6 AM. We sleep in the same bed although there is no touching at all. She gives me a little peck on the lips when I go somewhere or go to bed. I feel as though she is not attracted to me at all or doesn’t have feelings she used to have for me. At times, she makes me feel as though I’m not intelligent at all. I feel hurt and like all she wants me for is to run errands and fix things around the house when they need repairs. I don’t have any friends and I can’t do any of the hobbies I love bc she has boxes of her things stacked all over the house and in the garage. One bedroom I turned in to her craft room but now you cants even walk in it. The spare bedroom is so packed with things of hers and Christmas presents she’s bought for ppl years ago and are still there. You can’t even see or walk on one side of where the bed is bc it’s piled with stuff. I feel worthless and not like a man at all. She works from home now and bc she’s on teleconferences and meetings, I have to be quiet and out of site. I guess I’ll have to live the rest of my life like this bc I don’t see her making any efforts to change. She says she loves me but I don’t feel it. Maybe I’m just being selfish for wanting to have sex with her. I pray that no other married men have to live this way. I don’t talk much anymore except to my dog who gives me unconditional love.
It sounds like she may be a hoarder and being a hoarder does make u depressed what ur describing sounds like me except I do pay alittle more attention to my husband not alot but I don’t belittle him she probably does need to see a dr♥️
Lol “I feel worthless and not a man at all” hmmm yeah I’m not surprised because a real man would be supporting his wife and getting her help through what sounds like a low time in her life and not complaining about his sex life on the internet. What are your responsibilities in the relationship other than fixing things around the house? And I don’t mean what do you offer to do, I’m asking about the things you do every day to help keep the household running? You’d be shocked at the amount of women who take on majority of the physical and mental load during the first part of their marriage and then either burn out or realize that shockingly they don’t want to live that way. It always amazes me how many men don’t understand why their wives don’t want to have sex with them when they don’t contribute at all to the partnership. Men also need to understand that women are different from men. Most of us can’t just “get in the mood” and we require more foreplay and time to get there. Sex is far more mental and emotional than it is physical and if you can’t be bothered to put in the effort for foreplay, don’t be surprised when we don’t reciprocate effort during sex. I don’t mean to sound c***y, I just truly believe a lot of men don’t know how to contribute actively to a partnership and it’s not always your fault that you don’t know, but the point is, I think many marriages could be saved if more men were self aware and willing to truly step up.
Regardless, it sounds like your wife is going through a really rough time in her life and that’s tough for both of you. I encourage you to start therapy (and hopefully your wife will be open to the idea too). It sounds like there are far deeper issues at play.
This is again just another form of encouraging almost abusive behavior while guilting woman by attempting to use scripture to justify the point of view.
The scripture in the Bible is about mutual respect for each other and consent. It’s not about one person having a higher sex drive and therefore you need to meet the needs of that drive otherwise you’re withholding from your spouse. Withholding from your spouse is when you have malicious intent and you’re using it as a weapon or manipulation tool to hurt or punish your spouse therefore putting them in a position where they may be tempted.
Christ spent his entirety on this earth with no sexual sin. Therefore this ideology that men are built to “need” sex or even vice versa is a worldly approach to the topic , which again does nothing but guilt people into feeling like they must meet the demands of the other or they are somehow sinning or causing their spouse to be unchristian or adulterous in their actions.
The fact that men use pornography is because the world – Christian’s and non Christian’s, have done nothing but support this inability or requirement for self control.
It’s in reality no different than eating. We all eat, God gave us the freedom to eat , some of us eat more than others , we all prefer different foods. And we’re allowed to enjoy a meal.
But when eating becomes an obsession. When eating dictates much of our mindspace and our lives start to center around it and we start consuming more and more because we have lack of self control but then convince ourselves that there is a need here. I need to eat – so therefore I’m going to eat 2 double cheeseburgers and a giant plate of fries and a large Coke and an ice cream sundae and this becomes our habit and we let it affect us to the point it’s almost an idol, we’ve left the realm of what God said was acceptable.
The same thing with sex. Just because you have a higher drive does not mean there is some requirement for your spouse or need that has to be met. And if it’s not then someone is failing you. Does your spouse need to invest in intimacy of course, but that goes way beyond just the act of sexual intercourse. But you have some responsibility yourself to pra
Y and perhaps start gaining some self control over the thing that may very well be an idol in your life that you are dismissing because you’re “married”.
If you are also driving your spouse to the point of hurt over her or him having a lower sex drive than you. Hurt and tears I believe you said in your post. You have in fact sinned and need to repent because you have no right whatsoever to hurt someone and make them feel inadequate because they don’t operate the same as you and again try and use scripture manipulated to guilt your spouse into what you want.
That is abuse 100%
And this kind of garbage that continues to blur the lreality of what is taking place in so many marriages is shameful.
Your business is your business with your husband. You don’t need to personally share what goes on in your bedroom. But do not continue to manipulate scripture in support of this disgusting mindset of the world. “It keeps him happy and I like to keep him happy” that’s terrible . All the other work you do.. the love and service you offer .. the sacrifice you’ve given … and you make sure you give him sex every other day unless you’re sick or on your period because that’s what “makes him happy”
Do you not see how you’ve degraded yourself by that statement?
If your husband is only happy because you stick to this schedule , you’re an object.
If your husband being “happy” means when this happens at this frequency, he’s kinder and more loving and attentive and willing to help out with things, you’re an object… and you just turned sex into a transaction .
You and your husband have adopted the same mentality of the perversion you have accused the rest of society of having. And you’ve allowed this because you’ve let him guilt you into feeling bad that you weren’t performing at his level.
Both are not in alignment with God and our selfless walk as a Christian. Stop this nonsense.
Regardless of which way round it is:
Your spouse has committed to having sex with ONLY YOU. ONLY YOU can fulfill this need for your spouse. If you don’t play tennis, or eat certain foods, or go to a certain type of music event that your spouse likes, your spouse can do these things with someone else.
But not sex. Sex is a primal need, not a hobby, and ONLY YOU can fulfill that need, so if you are refusing, you are DEPRIVING your spouse, that you promised to love, of a primal need. Justifiable hurt, resentment and rage can build up because of this long-term rejection. You are breaking your wedding vows but, unlike if you cheated with another person, your spouse is still bound to you.
No one made you get married, but your marriage certificate is your written consent, and your wedding vows are your verbal consent.
If you can, but won’t, or not nearly the frequency your spouse needs, that amounts to emotional and mental cruelty.
I guarantee your spouse will be wondering what they did that was so bad that you are punishing them this way, why you hate them, why you despise them, what it is about them that is SO REVOLTING. You’d better be providing a very good (and true) reason not to give your spouse what they need, as the only person who can.
as a husband, I am glad I’m not married to the likes of you, been married 35 years to the same wife, I often have this picture of a nest of very young birds, they don’t have their eyes open yet, they hear something, they begin grabbing and squacking for the worm that they think their mother brought them, in our sexual experience.
Often hungry for sexual connection but feel lonely and uncared for instead, then the enemy begins to bombard with thoughts of , I’m not worth anything, she doesn’t really care about me, I’m not worth her time, she’d really rather not be bothered with me, I’m just too much trouble to be around, if I’d stay on the truck more overnight then she wouldn’t feel she’d need to do something sexualy.
I feel she feels sex is just an unnecessary activity that I am too interested in, she feels that ALLL I think about.
really it’s like this, if you have Plenty of something, you seldom spend much time thinking about it, like, air, water, money, food, but when any of those become scarce, that’s all you have on your mind. Oh, and then we haven’t even begun to talk about the temptations that I’m bombarded with as a man because of the lack in this department. But Oh, God forbid a man would be tempted.
This is ridiculous. Women don’t need to have sex often to keep their husband happy. Men needs to not need sex as often to help women who do most of the work. Get on your knees and pray husbands that good will give you the strength to not want sex so often. The devil makes you horny, god makes you a good husband.
God created us with hormones that make us desire sex, we were created to desire sex, has nothing to do with Satan. It is natural and good.
Having the attitude you think men should desire it less, goes against God’s plan and design for us as married couples. You may want to pray about your thoughts regarding this as they are opposite of what the Word tells us.
This is a huge mistake that a lot of Christian wives make and it denies them a beautiful and happy husband. Within the confines of marriage, it is not the devil that makes the man horny, he loves and desires his wife, that is not wrong. Sex was created by God and not the devil. So the desire of a husband to have his wife intimately cannot be the devil’s handwork. Thanks.
Maybe not,but if sex or having sex regularly is important to your husband then having sex regularly will definitely make ‘the husband and keep the husband Happy’s.
Especially if,he has a high sex drive.
The devil doesn’t make anyone horny, being horny as you say ,is a desire to have sex and anything or nothing can trigger a desire to have sex.
There is nothing wrong with being ‘horny’ as you put it so long as it is within the confines of marriage,there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Regardless of which way round it is:
Your spouse has committed to having sex with ONLY YOU. ONLY YOU can fulfill this need for your spouse. If you don’t play tennis, or eat certain foods, or go to a certain type of music event that your spouse likes, your spouse can do these things with someone else.
But not sex. Sex is a primal need, not a hobby, and ONLY YOU can fulfill that need, so if you are refusing, you are DEPRIVING your spouse, that you promised to love, of a primal need. Justifiable hurt, resentment and rage can build up because of this long-term rejection. You are breaking your wedding vows but, unlike if you cheated with another person, your spouse is still bound to you.
No one made you get married, but your marriage certificate is your written consent, and your wedding vows are your verbal consent.
If you can, but won’t, or not nearly the frequency your spouse needs, that amounts to emotional and mental cruelty.
I guarantee your spouse will be wondering what they did that was so bad that you are punishing them this way, why you hate them, why you despise them, what it is about them that is SO REVOLTING. You’d better be providing a very good (and true) reason not to give your spouse what they need, as the only person who can.
“…so you don’t feel depraved…” Lollololol
0 for 5 in this house , getting tired of begging
Hello, I haven’t read the whole post yet but something already got me thinking, when you say “realize that God made sex to be a pleasurable experience for a husband and wife, not just for procreation.” So because if you have sex without condoms or birth control pill it’s likely to get pregnant are you saying it is okay to use condoms or birth control pill(since only by using them can sex be just a pleasurable experience and not just for procreation)?
Hi! Sex in a marriage is absolutely meant to be pleasurable. Almost every time my husband and I are intimate, I thank God that He made such a pleasurable activity for us to enjoy. We average about every other day, except of course during THAT week. Thanks, Eve.
We’ve been married almost a year and a half now. God’s Word tells us to seek and use wisdom, and due to financial and location circumstances, we decided it would not be wise to have a child right after marriage. However, God’s Word also says not to deny your partner sex. How do we reconcile that? Fertility tracking and condoms.
Birth control is a debated issue for a lot of reasons. We decided not to use it for 2 reasons. 1, it makes me ridiculously emotional, and 2, it can cause abortion. So, I read a book that I highly recommend called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. By following a few simple steps each day, I know exactly what days I’m most fertile. During our wjole first year, we used condoms on those days, and were free to have condom-free sex for the rest of the month! Now, we are trying for a baby, so we know to make sure to try on the exact days that I’m most fertile.
(Warning – the book is written in a very feminist, almost anti-man way. I just ignored that part and read it for the helpful information.)
Wrong! There are many of us that can’t have children. Should we not have sex? It is a gift for all of us married couples childbearing or not.
“Do you suffer from low libido?” What? Why would you equate a lower libido with “suffering?” Please know that there is nothing wrong with wanting less sex than someone with a high libido. So much damage is done with this sort of thinking.
Suffer in this instance means do you have low libido. Remember words can have more than one meaning. But, if your libido is low and your husband’s is high, that can cause a lil stress, disharmony, unpleasantness, lil misery, there’s the suffering.
No libido is not normal, low can be and it can be raised.
Having a lower libido than your spouse is completely normal and should never be equated with “suffering”. Nor should a lower libido spouse be made to feel wrong or under pressure to ramp it up.
I don’t think she meant lower libido than someone else (as a comparison). When she says low libido, I believe she is referring to those who almost NEVER want to have sex. And whether you agree or not, if you are married, never wanting to have sex is Damaging to the relationship.
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Hi thanks for much information, My case is this … I have met a beautiful godly man, online…we have not met yet face to face as yet, but this has been the working and plan of God. …..Now.who says that one needs to meet in person …Our Lord can put two persons together through the love and power of His Spirit, joining a future husband and wife. Well we have fallen in.love very deeply and now maturing in.our love..
And because of the Covid 19, we can not meet yet and be married, until the international borders open again. I live in Australia and my fiancee lives in USA. We have known each other since January this year 2021… The thing that I was concerned about is that he is 18 years younger than me, but I am young looking anyway and he just loves me so deeply and assured me that his love for me.overcomes any need of me being worried about age I feel that looks are important too… we are very passionate in our phone calls etc so im wondering what that really means in scripture where it says … If couples burn with passion then get married and thats our intention… the same day we meet. … I see that that scripture does not judge or say…oh you naughty couple …but it admonishes the couple to get married when they are experience a burning passion … what do you say about this passion.of ours where it is not lust we both or fornication… we are very emotional and , been together only in way of texts and loving phone calls,
photos and videos…
.
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So, I’m a 40 yr old female but my very best friend of 26 years is male, who is not gay like many assume, but I’ve always been very close to my male cousins and brothers, so I feel like I’ve heard more a man’s perspective on things than women’s. The guy who wrote the comment above was very helpful and had great advice, but one factor nobody has mentioned, unless I missed it, is the male/female sexual prime/peaks are at different ages. Google it for more information, from what I remember, men hit it early in life and as they wind down women’s are starting their prime, and then it cycles back to the man’s prime starting again as females declines There is much debate about cultural factors having a influence on the difference, There is no debate though testerorone is a key player for a man and studies have shown at certain ages its not producing as much. I do not know everyone’s age here, but if you husband is not in his 20s then I think its a biological factor, and they are probably very embarrassed for not being able to fulfill their role as a man, and for some it will not be something they want to discuss. So maybe if its hard to get him to open up with you go to therapy, it may take several sessions before this problem can be addressed though so don’t give up on counseling after a few times. The last thing I was going to say is, All the men I know have said the biggest turn on for them in a partner is confidence, so love yourself for you, take care of yourself and your body, get your hair done or a massage, whatever makes you feel better. Best of luck y’all ❤ Take care ?
Am married to a non believer,my husband is disinterested in sex and the whole intimacy ,he provides material things and he says he does more than enough,he doesn’t compliment anything I do as am a housewife and he says am iddle that’s why I think of sex.i have prayed and fasted about it but I see no results and each time I raise the subject it turns into a big argument,we have 3 boys 12,10,8 yrs .he refuses counseling as well .
It does sound like you are in a difficult situation! Know that your desire to be sexually intimate with your husband is good and right. God gave us this desire and should be a beautiful expression of love and unity in marriage. However, just like everything else, the devil corrupts what God created good.
Pornography use is a leading cause of why men have no sexual desire. If that is part of your husband’s life, read this https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2020/04/4-things-you-must-do-if-your-husband-uses-porn/
There might also be other issues that could be the reason that your husband has no desire. These include hormone imbalance, insecurity, and stress. I will also pray for you and your husband.
With God, all things are possible.
WOW, JUST CONTINUES LINES OF BULLSHIT!!!!!
Mercy,
So sorry to hear your situation. Sadly, if your man is not complementing you, is belittling you for being home raising kids – I don’t think sex is the first issue. Sounds like he just doesn’t respect, honor or cherish you. To me, sex is a byproduct of being close and intimate in other ways. The relational chemistry need to be there. Being unequally yoked makes it harder. As others have urged, I agree you should seek counseling – for you. Seek Godly wisdom that will help you to know what’s best in your situation. I pray his desires for you re-awakens.
Hi Mercy, find and read the book the power of a praying wife by stormie omartian. ❤
May God bless your marriage ?
Marilyn, may thanks this topic. God bless you more and more. Learning is a continuous thing indeed. am still learning and eager to learn and be reminded. Keep it up!!!
Thanks Richard for your comment. I have learnt something about men from your comment too. May God bless you more and more.
I was touch after reading this message, and am so excited. My ernest prayer is that the
almighty God will help all the married woman and give all of them wisdom to be able to manage their homes in Jesus name
Amen Amen and Amen in Jesus name I receive this!
I enjoyed your post. Well said.
Please make an article for wives with higher sex drives than their husbands…
I’ve been hearing from more and more women that have a higher sex drive, so you are not alone! Here is an article about ten things a wife can do when her husband is not interested in sex. https://www.keepersathome.ca/husband-loses-interest-rejects-you-sexually/
My sex drive is non existent. I’ve spoken to medical people. My husband wants a lot and I’m willing to go along and sometimes I get into it ish. But he wants me to initiate the sex I don’t even want.
So annoying
I agree! Also, Amen to these prayers and comments. It’s encouraging to read them.
I agree ??
My husband does not even look at me at all please help me
I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t know your situation, but know that God is able to help you! Prayer and fasting are powerful tools God has given us to help us. The Bible tells us that our husbands can be won by how we act, with a meek and humble heart. Feel free to email me at marilyn@keepersathome.ca if you want to chat.
I’m a guy who stumbled onto this blog through a Pinterest Pin (way to go, Keepers at Home). Eunice, I saw your comment and my heart goes out to you. I’m going to respond and I’ll let Marilyn, the blog owner, decide whether to leave or delete my comments.
First you don’t indicate whether your husband was ever intimate and stopped or never was intimate. In either case, it sounds like he’s struggling with his own heart issue or personal brokenness. I hope and pray he’s open to exploring his personal healing and growth. I recommend Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s book, How We Love. https://howwelove.com/ . It’s written for couples. I found it helpful in understanding the brokenness/disfunction in my love style, how to pursue healing/wholeness and how to engage with my spouse in that healing process, which produces closeness and intimacy. I’m hoping you’re having deep conversion with your husband about the fact that he “does not even look at me at all”. How We Love helps in opening up conversations about deep or hard topics. I also hope, if communication is not working, that you’re pursuing professional Christian counseling.
Second, I would want to make sure your husband is not engaging in pornography or any extra-marital relationship. Sadly, you could ask him directly and he could just flat-out lie to you, but, by asking him, this opens the door for any confession, him knowing that you’re concerning about these things and for The Lord to bring any necessary conviction and a desire for repentance. If he is, again I recommend professional counseling to pursue healing and restoration.
Third, it’s unclear if he’s struggling with low libido or ED, which is common as men get older. I agree with Marilyn, when it comes to libido, you use it or you lose it – that’s true for men as well. And libido can be restored. Men are usually ashamed of having a low libido or struggling with ED and can withdraw in intimacy. It needs to be discussed and addressing it leads to a healthier and happier marriage. If this is the struggle, I hope you can initiate this conversation. Also, you may need to take the initiative to initiate intimacy – and that may not always be intercourse but other ways of satisfying each others sexual needs.
Along with https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/ , which is recommended on this blog I also recommend https://forgivenwife.com/ (which Marilyn may recommend as well – don’t know).
Forth, I hope he understands that, biblically, he’s called to fulfill your needs and this “does not even look at me at all” means he’s missing the mark. I’m hoping your able to express your need to be noticed, cherished, appreciated, desired emotionally/spiritually/sexually, – without being critical or demeaning but out of a sincere expression of your needs. Again, if communication is not working, a counselor will help.
Finally, I hope you do your part at being desirable. We had a couple at church were the wife would express to anyone, that her husband was “as romantic as a dead fish”. She was clueless as to how much she was disrespecting her husband and driving him away from her. Concerning that he “does not even look at me at all” I’m hope you do your part to be appealing to your husbands heart, his desire and his gaze.
So, that’s the ramblings of a guy who stumbled upon this blog and was very moved by your comment. I hope my feedback is helpful. My apologies if I’ve offended in any way.
May you be blessed and a blessing to others.
p.s. Marilyn, this is a great piece you’ve written. For “Dress up Just For Him” my preference is, the nightgown / nightie my wife wears every night be appealing to gaze upon (unless she’s coming to be naked, which is even better). For me, that mean it’s sheer enough that I can admire my wife’s birthday suit underneath. That is a blessed every single night – just going to bed with my wife of 27 year.
Richard
I am in a relationship with a man that I would had never dreamed that he had no desire at all. He won’t even talk about it. We had the same doctor. So I had said something to her. When she offered him a medication to help he became very upset saying it was the mast embarrassment moment in his life, and I had no right to say something. My fear is why am I here and how does he really see me if not as life partner then what? I feel used. I had prayed for years to send me a man that would love. I had been in an abused marriage of almost 40 years and this man had came to my defense before. So after my marriage was over we started dating. He was quick to tell me he loved me. I though my prayers had been answered. But after a full year of being together, he has yet to even move past a kiss as I leave for work. I am so confused of what to do. I have no one to ask or talk to. Can someone please help me understand what to do.
I am sorry to hear this.
I hope you have someone to talk to. Perhaps a pastor or pastoral counselor. Even if not from your church, maybe any large church in your area. If not, you could speak to someone at Focus on the Family:
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/counseling-services-and-referrals/
And I always recommend Christian counseling. New Life Ministries can help find a counselor: https://newlife.com/counselors/
I recommend you dig deep into the wisdom from Marilyn on this blog, she’s got a calling upon her.
You don’t refer to being married. If not, I would encourage you to honor God and not be living together and not being sexually involved. God will honor that.
If this man is causing harm, I’m a believer that God wants us to guard our hearts, and that means to guard against those who harm us.
https://www.faithgateway.com/boundaries-guard-heart/#.X6iHLzpOkzQ
I encourage you to pray if The Lord is calling you to grow together with this man or if he is not right and you need to guard your heart.
I have known men like the man you describe – low levels of relationship/affection, low or no desire for intimacy. Sometimes it’s biological, sometimes age, sometimes repression of intimacy/emotions going back years ago. If a man is committed, he can grow and The Lord can transform. Addressing these issues as a couple requires really good communication.
One avenue to growing together is to begin reading “How We Love” together, perhaps one chapter each day, and see what The Lord does with that. If he’s not interested, you would benefit by reading it yourself.
And of course, in prayer, we know The Lord can do exceeding beyond what we can imagine. And rest assured that others are praying for you.
I wish more people would write/talk about when the woman wants it more, and the man is too tired from his physical job, or just doesn’t need it as often. With blogs telling women to give it to their husbands more, really makes the other half of women feel useless.
Hey Jenny, I realize this can be equally difficult! I wrote a post about that after hearing from a lot of ladies that struggle with the same problem. https://www.keepersathome.ca/husband-loses-interest-rejects-you-sexually/
Welcome to my life. My wife is the same way. Ugh!