Have a great sex life in a Christian marriage by realizing that God made sex something to enjoy with your husband.
Were you someone that actually wondered if you would have a great sex life before you got married?
I was so naive that I didn’t even think about it.
Yes, I did think about our wedding night, and what it would be like, but I didn’t dwell on the fact that maybe I wouldn’t find it so much fun after all.
That it would become a chore, just another thing to cross off on my To-Do list.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.
My husband was in for a big disappointment. It didn’t take us very long (about a week) to figure out that our sex drives were vastly different!
Many hurts and tears were spent on our sex life.
With the years, we figured out what worked for us. With a bit of knowledge, be assured that you can have a great sex life.
Christians can have a wonderful sex life for God made the marriage bed, and His design was for us to enjoy it.
By understanding what libido is, by being intentional, and looking for ways to bless your husband, you are well on your way.
Do you suffer from low libido?
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Do you even have a sex drive? That was a question I sometimes asked myself.
I did not understand what libido actually was. I just knew mine was a lot lower than my husband’s.
The Boost Your Libido Course is great if you have zero sexual desire. Check it out here!
The dictionary defines it as sexual desire, but what is normal?
There can be, and usually are, big differences in sexual desires between a married couple.
Almost always one of you will want it more! Mismatched libidos are incredibly common.
So how do you compromise, so that you are both satisfied and not depraved?
First of all, realize that God made sex to be a pleasurable experience for a husband and wife, not just for procreation.
Isn’t he an awesome God that wanted something so beautiful for us?
However, anything wonderful Satan is out to destroy, and he has destroyed it big time in North America.
God made sex into a beautiful thing meant for married couples, and Satan has turned it into a dirty, degrading thing.
We need to go back to God’s original plan for humanity.
After taking the Boost Your Libido Course, I discovered that Libido is something that you either use or you lose.
In the Boost Your Libido Course, Sheila teaches us that women with a lower libido are normal after all!
If you are really struggling in your sex life, you need to check out this course.
Sheila created this after hearing from a LOT of women and realizing how society has taught us the wrong concept of what a good sex life is.
If you’re ready to become a wife that looks forward to sex, check it out here.
I was pleasantly surprised that there were more women (in fact 70%), that had a lower sex drive than their husband, and that I was “Normal” after all.
If you struggle with your sex life and believe it is supposed to be better, then this course is for you.
She teaches us how a woman’s sex drive is largely in her head, and how to convince your head that you WANT sex.
Often when we decide that we want to feel GOOD, our body follows.
How often do we need to fill our husband’s needs?
In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, we read that we should render unto each due benevolence (or kindness), and not withhold your body from each other.
The only time we should hold back is when we with mutual consent decided to withhold for fasting and praying.
This is so that Satan will not be able to tempt us.
How often you decide to have sex is completely between you and your husband.
This is something that you will have to work out.
However, I’d err on the side of more often than not.
For my husband and me, we try every other day. Maybe this sounds like a lot, but in my husband’s best interest, this is what works for us.
It keeps him happy, and I’m willing to keep him happy;).
Of course, there will always arise situations where morning sickness, flu, or your period keep you from that. But having a rule of thumb in my mind keeps us on track.
Does this sound boring? No Spontaneity? Maybe, and that’s where we have to make an extra effort.
31 Days to Great Sex can help you on your journey to a great sex life.
5 Ways To Bless Your Husband Sexually
If you are looking for ways to love your husband physically, then read on!
1.Initiate It
When was the last time you initiated sex?
When you never want to do IT, your husband feels that you are just going along because he wants it, and he wants to feel that you DESIRE him.
My husband told me that he always wants to have sex, so now I usually am the initiator.
But I have to be intentional about it, otherwise, we would have sex much less often.
2.Be adventurous
Be willing to try something new. Any of you that know me, know that I’m really boring. So this is an area I should greatly improve in.
I know it would be a blessing to my husband if I’d get out of my comfortable box.
3.Send Him a Sexy Text.
Or whisper in his ear. The thought that you desire him, and WANT him, will excite him. Send him a message at work, or tell him in the morning.
This will make him remember you all day long!
4.Tell Him What You Want
We ladies need to tell him what feels good.
After all, he cannot read your mind. Be open and honest about what feels good for you and what you want him to do.
Sex is supposed to be wonderful for both partners, not only for one of you.
5.Dress up Just For Him
Add something special to your birthday suit! Your imagination is the limit, but do it for him. Add some feathers, or lace to spice things up.
Just because you are married, does not mean that life should get boring.
Conclusion
A great sex life is possible. It just doesn’t happen by accident.
Take intentional action on improving your married relationship by being more aggressive and open about it.
Sex isn’t everything, but it goes a long way for a lot of men (and 20% of women too).
There are many great resources that you can read or watch that can help you. Sex is only one aspect of a marriage relationship, and men do have other needs as well.
Have a great sex life in Christian marriage by realizing that God created the marriage bed, and He meant it to be both a way to create children, but also for us to enjoy and connect with each other.
Do you feel that you have a great sex life? Or is this something you struggle with as well? Let me know in the comments below.
“…so you don’t feel depraved…” Lollololol
0 for 5 in this house , getting tired of begging
Hello, I haven’t read the whole post yet but something already got me thinking, when you say “realize that God made sex to be a pleasurable experience for a husband and wife, not just for procreation.” So because if you have sex without condoms or birth control pill it’s likely to get pregnant are you saying it is okay to use condoms or birth control pill(since only by using them can sex be just a pleasurable experience and not just for procreation)?
Hi! Sex in a marriage is absolutely meant to be pleasurable. Almost every time my husband and I are intimate, I thank God that He made such a pleasurable activity for us to enjoy. We average about every other day, except of course during THAT week. Thanks, Eve.
We’ve been married almost a year and a half now. God’s Word tells us to seek and use wisdom, and due to financial and location circumstances, we decided it would not be wise to have a child right after marriage. However, God’s Word also says not to deny your partner sex. How do we reconcile that? Fertility tracking and condoms.
Birth control is a debated issue for a lot of reasons. We decided not to use it for 2 reasons. 1, it makes me ridiculously emotional, and 2, it can cause abortion. So, I read a book that I highly recommend called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. By following a few simple steps each day, I know exactly what days I’m most fertile. During our wjole first year, we used condoms on those days, and were free to have condom-free sex for the rest of the month! Now, we are trying for a baby, so we know to make sure to try on the exact days that I’m most fertile.
(Warning – the book is written in a very feminist, almost anti-man way. I just ignored that part and read it for the helpful information.)
“Do you suffer from low libido?” What? Why would you equate a lower libido with “suffering?” Please know that there is nothing wrong with wanting less sex than someone with a high libido. So much damage is done with this sort of thinking.
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Your article very important for me
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Hi thanks for much information, My case is this … I have met a beautiful godly man, online…we have not met yet face to face as yet, but this has been the working and plan of God. …..Now.who says that one needs to meet in person …Our Lord can put two persons together through the love and power of His Spirit, joining a future husband and wife. Well we have fallen in.love very deeply and now maturing in.our love..
And because of the Covid 19, we can not meet yet and be married, until the international borders open again. I live in Australia and my fiancee lives in USA. We have known each other since January this year 2021… The thing that I was concerned about is that he is 18 years younger than me, but I am young looking anyway and he just loves me so deeply and assured me that his love for me.overcomes any need of me being worried about age I feel that looks are important too… we are very passionate in our phone calls etc so im wondering what that really means in scripture where it says … If couples burn with passion then get married and thats our intention… the same day we meet. … I see that that scripture does not judge or say…oh you naughty couple …but it admonishes the couple to get married when they are experience a burning passion … what do you say about this passion.of ours where it is not lust we both or fornication… we are very emotional and , been together only in way of texts and loving phone calls,
photos and videos…
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So, I’m a 40 yr old female but my very best friend of 26 years is male, who is not gay like many assume, but I’ve always been very close to my male cousins and brothers, so I feel like I’ve heard more a man’s perspective on things than women’s. The guy who wrote the comment above was very helpful and had great advice, but one factor nobody has mentioned, unless I missed it, is the male/female sexual prime/peaks are at different ages. Google it for more information, from what I remember, men hit it early in life and as they wind down women’s are starting their prime, and then it cycles back to the man’s prime starting again as females declines There is much debate about cultural factors having a influence on the difference, There is no debate though testerorone is a key player for a man and studies have shown at certain ages its not producing as much. I do not know everyone’s age here, but if you husband is not in his 20s then I think its a biological factor, and they are probably very embarrassed for not being able to fulfill their role as a man, and for some it will not be something they want to discuss. So maybe if its hard to get him to open up with you go to therapy, it may take several sessions before this problem can be addressed though so don’t give up on counseling after a few times. The last thing I was going to say is, All the men I know have said the biggest turn on for them in a partner is confidence, so love yourself for you, take care of yourself and your body, get your hair done or a massage, whatever makes you feel better. Best of luck y’all ❤ Take care ?
Am married to a non believer,my husband is disinterested in sex and the whole intimacy ,he provides material things and he says he does more than enough,he doesn’t compliment anything I do as am a housewife and he says am iddle that’s why I think of sex.i have prayed and fasted about it but I see no results and each time I raise the subject it turns into a big argument,we have 3 boys 12,10,8 yrs .he refuses counseling as well .
It does sound like you are in a difficult situation! Know that your desire to be sexually intimate with your husband is good and right. God gave us this desire and should be a beautiful expression of love and unity in marriage. However, just like everything else, the devil corrupts what God created good.
Pornography use is a leading cause of why men have no sexual desire. If that is part of your husband’s life, read this https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2020/04/4-things-you-must-do-if-your-husband-uses-porn/
There might also be other issues that could be the reason that your husband has no desire. These include hormone imbalance, insecurity, and stress. I will also pray for you and your husband.
With God, all things are possible.
Mercy,
So sorry to hear your situation. Sadly, if your man is not complementing you, is belittling you for being home raising kids – I don’t think sex is the first issue. Sounds like he just doesn’t respect, honor or cherish you. To me, sex is a byproduct of being close and intimate in other ways. The relational chemistry need to be there. Being unequally yoked makes it harder. As others have urged, I agree you should seek counseling – for you. Seek Godly wisdom that will help you to know what’s best in your situation. I pray his desires for you re-awakens.
Hi Mercy, find and read the book the power of a praying wife by stormie omartian. ❤
May God bless your marriage ?
Marilyn, may thanks this topic. God bless you more and more. Learning is a continuous thing indeed. am still learning and eager to learn and be reminded. Keep it up!!!
Thanks Richard for your comment. I have learnt something about men from your comment too. May God bless you more and more.
I was touch after reading this message, and am so excited. My ernest prayer is that the
almighty God will help all the married woman and give all of them wisdom to be able to manage their homes in Jesus name
Amen Amen and Amen in Jesus name I receive this!
I enjoyed your post. Well said.
Please make an article for wives with higher sex drives than their husbands…
I’ve been hearing from more and more women that have a higher sex drive, so you are not alone! Here is an article about ten things a wife can do when her husband is not interested in sex. https://www.keepersathome.ca/husband-loses-interest-rejects-you-sexually/
My sex drive is non existent. I’ve spoken to medical people. My husband wants a lot and I’m willing to go along and sometimes I get into it ish. But he wants me to initiate the sex I don’t even want.
So annoying
I agree! Also, Amen to these prayers and comments. It’s encouraging to read them.
I agree ??
My husband does not even look at me at all please help me
I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t know your situation, but know that God is able to help you! Prayer and fasting are powerful tools God has given us to help us. The Bible tells us that our husbands can be won by how we act, with a meek and humble heart. Feel free to email me at marilyn@keepersathome.ca if you want to chat.
I’m a guy who stumbled onto this blog through a Pinterest Pin (way to go, Keepers at Home). Eunice, I saw your comment and my heart goes out to you. I’m going to respond and I’ll let Marilyn, the blog owner, decide whether to leave or delete my comments.
First you don’t indicate whether your husband was ever intimate and stopped or never was intimate. In either case, it sounds like he’s struggling with his own heart issue or personal brokenness. I hope and pray he’s open to exploring his personal healing and growth. I recommend Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s book, How We Love. https://howwelove.com/ . It’s written for couples. I found it helpful in understanding the brokenness/disfunction in my love style, how to pursue healing/wholeness and how to engage with my spouse in that healing process, which produces closeness and intimacy. I’m hoping you’re having deep conversion with your husband about the fact that he “does not even look at me at all”. How We Love helps in opening up conversations about deep or hard topics. I also hope, if communication is not working, that you’re pursuing professional Christian counseling.
Second, I would want to make sure your husband is not engaging in pornography or any extra-marital relationship. Sadly, you could ask him directly and he could just flat-out lie to you, but, by asking him, this opens the door for any confession, him knowing that you’re concerning about these things and for The Lord to bring any necessary conviction and a desire for repentance. If he is, again I recommend professional counseling to pursue healing and restoration.
Third, it’s unclear if he’s struggling with low libido or ED, which is common as men get older. I agree with Marilyn, when it comes to libido, you use it or you lose it – that’s true for men as well. And libido can be restored. Men are usually ashamed of having a low libido or struggling with ED and can withdraw in intimacy. It needs to be discussed and addressing it leads to a healthier and happier marriage. If this is the struggle, I hope you can initiate this conversation. Also, you may need to take the initiative to initiate intimacy – and that may not always be intercourse but other ways of satisfying each others sexual needs.
Along with https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/ , which is recommended on this blog I also recommend https://forgivenwife.com/ (which Marilyn may recommend as well – don’t know).
Forth, I hope he understands that, biblically, he’s called to fulfill your needs and this “does not even look at me at all” means he’s missing the mark. I’m hoping your able to express your need to be noticed, cherished, appreciated, desired emotionally/spiritually/sexually, – without being critical or demeaning but out of a sincere expression of your needs. Again, if communication is not working, a counselor will help.
Finally, I hope you do your part at being desirable. We had a couple at church were the wife would express to anyone, that her husband was “as romantic as a dead fish”. She was clueless as to how much she was disrespecting her husband and driving him away from her. Concerning that he “does not even look at me at all” I’m hope you do your part to be appealing to your husbands heart, his desire and his gaze.
So, that’s the ramblings of a guy who stumbled upon this blog and was very moved by your comment. I hope my feedback is helpful. My apologies if I’ve offended in any way.
May you be blessed and a blessing to others.
p.s. Marilyn, this is a great piece you’ve written. For “Dress up Just For Him” my preference is, the nightgown / nightie my wife wears every night be appealing to gaze upon (unless she’s coming to be naked, which is even better). For me, that mean it’s sheer enough that I can admire my wife’s birthday suit underneath. That is a blessed every single night – just going to bed with my wife of 27 year.
Richard
I am in a relationship with a man that I would had never dreamed that he had no desire at all. He won’t even talk about it. We had the same doctor. So I had said something to her. When she offered him a medication to help he became very upset saying it was the mast embarrassment moment in his life, and I had no right to say something. My fear is why am I here and how does he really see me if not as life partner then what? I feel used. I had prayed for years to send me a man that would love. I had been in an abused marriage of almost 40 years and this man had came to my defense before. So after my marriage was over we started dating. He was quick to tell me he loved me. I though my prayers had been answered. But after a full year of being together, he has yet to even move past a kiss as I leave for work. I am so confused of what to do. I have no one to ask or talk to. Can someone please help me understand what to do.
I am sorry to hear this.
I hope you have someone to talk to. Perhaps a pastor or pastoral counselor. Even if not from your church, maybe any large church in your area. If not, you could speak to someone at Focus on the Family:
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/counseling-services-and-referrals/
And I always recommend Christian counseling. New Life Ministries can help find a counselor: https://newlife.com/counselors/
I recommend you dig deep into the wisdom from Marilyn on this blog, she’s got a calling upon her.
You don’t refer to being married. If not, I would encourage you to honor God and not be living together and not being sexually involved. God will honor that.
If this man is causing harm, I’m a believer that God wants us to guard our hearts, and that means to guard against those who harm us.
https://www.faithgateway.com/boundaries-guard-heart/#.X6iHLzpOkzQ
I encourage you to pray if The Lord is calling you to grow together with this man or if he is not right and you need to guard your heart.
I have known men like the man you describe – low levels of relationship/affection, low or no desire for intimacy. Sometimes it’s biological, sometimes age, sometimes repression of intimacy/emotions going back years ago. If a man is committed, he can grow and The Lord can transform. Addressing these issues as a couple requires really good communication.
One avenue to growing together is to begin reading “How We Love” together, perhaps one chapter each day, and see what The Lord does with that. If he’s not interested, you would benefit by reading it yourself.
And of course, in prayer, we know The Lord can do exceeding beyond what we can imagine. And rest assured that others are praying for you.
I wish more people would write/talk about when the woman wants it more, and the man is too tired from his physical job, or just doesn’t need it as often. With blogs telling women to give it to their husbands more, really makes the other half of women feel useless.
Hey Jenny, I realize this can be equally difficult! I wrote a post about that after hearing from a lot of ladies that struggle with the same problem. https://www.keepersathome.ca/husband-loses-interest-rejects-you-sexually/
Welcome to my life. My wife is the same way. Ugh!