Be a Better Wife Part 5: Have a Great Sex Life

Have a great sex life in a Christian marriage by realizing that God made you to enjoy each other.

Were you someone that actually wondered if you would have a great sex life before you got married? 

I was so naive that I didn’t even think about it. Yes, I did think about our wedding night, and what it would be like, but I didn’t dwell on the fact that maybe I wouldn’t find it so much fun after all.

That it would become a chore, just another thing to cross off on my To Do list.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened. My husband was in for a big disappointment. It didn’t take us very long (about a week)  to figure out that our sex drives were vastly different!

Many hurts and tears were spent on our sex life. With the years, we figured out what worked for us. With a bit of knowledge, be assured that you can have a great sex life.

Christians can have a wonderful sex life for God made the marriage bed, and His design was for us to enjoy it. By understanding what libido is, by being intentional, and looking for ways to bless your husband, you are well on your way.

What if you suffer from low libido?

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First we need to understand what libido is.The dictionary defines it as sexual desire, but what is normal? There can be, and usually are, big differences in sexual desires between a married couple.

Almost always one of you will want it more! So how do you compromise, so that you are both happy? 

First of all, realize that God made sex to be a pleasurable experience for a husband and wife, not just for procreation. Isn’t he an awesome God that wanted something so beautiful for us?

However, anything wonderful Satan is out to destroy, and he has destroyed it big time in North America.

God made sex into a beautiful thing meant for married couples, and Satan has turned it into a dirty, degrading thing. We need to go back to God’s original plan for humanity.

Libido is something that you either use or you lose.

In the Boost Your Libido Course, Sheila teaches us that women with a lower libido are normal after all! If you are really struggling in your sex life, you need to check out this course.

Sheila created this after hearing from a LOT of women and realizing how society has taught us the wrong concept of what a good sex life is. If you’re ready to become a wife that looks forward to sex, check it out here.

I was pleasantly surprised that there were more women (in fact 70%), that had a lower sex drive than their husband, and that I was “Normal” after all. If you struggle with your sex life and believe it is supposed to be better, then this course is for you. 

She teaches us how a woman’s sex drive is largely in her head, and how to convince your head that you WANT sex. Often when we decide that we want to feel GOOD, our body follows.

How often do we need to fill our husband’s needs?

In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, we read that we should render unto each due benevolence (or kindness), and not withhold your body from each other.

The only time we should hold back is when we with mutual consent decided to withhold for fasting and praying. This is so that Satan will not be able to tempt us. 

How often you decide to have sex is completely between you and your husband. This is something that you will have to work out.

However, I’d err on the side of more often than not. For my husband and me, we try every other day. Maybe this sounds like a lot, but for my husband’s best interest, this is what works for us. It keeps him happy, and I’m willing. 

Of course, there will always arise situations where morning sickness, flu, or your period keep you from that. But having a rule of thumb in my mind keeps us on track.

Does this sound boring? No Spontaneity? Maybe, and that’s where we have to make an extra effort.

31 Days to Great Sex can help you on your journey to a great sex life.

5 Ways To Bless Your Husband Sexually

If you are looking for ways to love your husband physically, then read on!

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    1.Initiate It

    When was the last time you initiated sex? When you never want to do IT, your husband feels that you are just going along because he wants it, and he wants to feel that you DESIRE him.

    My husband told me that he always wants to have sex, so now I usually am the initiator. But I have to be intentional about it, otherwise, we would have sex much less often.

    2.Be adventurous

    Be willing to try something new. Any of you that know me, know that I’m really boring. So this is an area I should greatly improve in.

    I know it would be a blessing to my husband if I’d get out of my comfortable box. You can find some interesting tips here.

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      3.Send Him a Sexy Text.

      Or whisper in his ear. The thought that you desire him, and WANT him, will excite him. Send him a message at work, or tell him in the morning. This will make him remember you all day long!

      What to do when your husband hurts your feelings.

      4.Tell Him What You Want

      We ladies need to tell him what feels good. After all, he cannot read your mind. Be open and honest about what feels good for you and what you want him to do. Sex is supposed to be wonderful for both partners, not only for one of you. 

      5.Dress up Just For Him

      Add something special to your birthday suit! Your imagination is the limit, but do it for him. Add some feathers, or lace to spice things up. Just because you are married, does not mean that life should get boring.

      Resources that can help you.

      Boost Your Libido Course

      Conclusion

      A great sex life is possible. It just doesn’t happen by accident. Take intentional action on improving your married relationship by being more aggressive and open about it. Sex isn’t everything, but it goes a long way for men.

      There are many great resources that you can read or watch that can help you. Sex is only one aspect of a marriage relationship, and men do have other needs as well. 

      Have a great sex life in Christian marriage by realizing that God created the marriage bed, and He meant it to be both a way to create children, but also for us to enjoy and connect with each other.

      Read Here To Find Out If You Are A Controlling Wife

      Do you feel that you have a great sex life? Or is this something you struggle with as well? Let me know in the comments below.

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      7 thoughts on “Be a Better Wife Part 5: Have a Great Sex Life”

        1. I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t know your situation, but know that God is able to help you! Prayer and fasting are powerful tools God has given us to help us. The Bible tells us that our husbands can be won by how we act, with a meek and humble heart. Feel free to email me at [email protected] if you want to chat.

        2. I’m a guy who stumbled onto this blog through a Pinterest Pin (way to go, Keepers at Home). Eunice, I saw your comment and my heart goes out to you. I’m going to respond and I’ll let Marilyn, the blog owner, decide whether to leave or delete my comments.

          First you don’t indicate whether your husband was ever intimate and stopped or never was intimate. In either case, it sounds like he’s struggling with his own heart issue or personal brokenness. I hope and pray he’s open to exploring his personal healing and growth. I recommend Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s book, How We Love. https://howwelove.com/ . It’s written for couples. I found it helpful in understanding the brokenness/disfunction in my love style, how to pursue healing/wholeness and how to engage with my spouse in that healing process, which produces closeness and intimacy. I’m hoping you’re having deep conversion with your husband about the fact that he “does not even look at me at all”. How We Love helps in opening up conversations about deep or hard topics. I also hope, if communication is not working, that you’re pursuing professional Christian counseling.

          Second, I would want to make sure your husband is not engaging in pornography or any extra-marital relationship. Sadly, you could ask him directly and he could just flat-out lie to you, but, by asking him, this opens the door for any confession, him knowing that you’re concerning about these things and for The Lord to bring any necessary conviction and a desire for repentance. If he is, again I recommend professional counseling to pursue healing and restoration.

          Third, it’s unclear if he’s struggling with low libido or ED, which is common as men get older. I agree with Marilyn, when it comes to libido, you use it or you lose it – that’s true for men as well. And libido can be restored. Men are usually ashamed of having a low libido or struggling with ED and can withdraw in intimacy. It needs to be discussed and addressing it leads to a healthier and happier marriage. If this is the struggle, I hope you can initiate this conversation. Also, you may need to take the initiative to initiate intimacy – and that may not always be intercourse but other ways of satisfying each others sexual needs.

          Along with https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/ , which is recommended on this blog I also recommend https://forgivenwife.com/ (which Marilyn may recommend as well – don’t know).

          Forth, I hope he understands that, biblically, he’s called to fulfill your needs and this “does not even look at me at all” means he’s missing the mark. I’m hoping your able to express your need to be noticed, cherished, appreciated, desired emotionally/spiritually/sexually, – without being critical or demeaning but out of a sincere expression of your needs. Again, if communication is not working, a counselor will help.

          Finally, I hope you do your part at being desirable. We had a couple at church were the wife would express to anyone, that her husband was “as romantic as a dead fish”. She was clueless as to how much she was disrespecting her husband and driving him away from her. Concerning that he “does not even look at me at all” I’m hope you do your part to be appealing to your husbands heart, his desire and his gaze.

          So, that’s the ramblings of a guy who stumbled upon this blog and was very moved by your comment. I hope my feedback is helpful. My apologies if I’ve offended in any way.

          May you be blessed and a blessing to others.

          p.s. Marilyn, this is a great piece you’ve written. For “Dress up Just For Him” my preference is, the nightgown / nightie my wife wears every night be appealing to gaze upon (unless she’s coming to be naked, which is even better). For me, that mean it’s sheer enough that I can admire my wife’s birthday suit underneath. That is a blessed every single night – just going to bed with my wife of 27 year.

      1. Imaobong Erasmus

        I was touch after reading this message, and am so excited. My ernest prayer is that the
        almighty God will help all the married woman and give all of them wisdom to be able to manage their homes in Jesus name

      2. Marilyn, may thanks this topic. God bless you more and more. Learning is a continuous thing indeed. am still learning and eager to learn and be reminded. Keep it up!!!

        Thanks Richard for your comment. I have learnt something about men from your comment too. May God bless you more and more.

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